Dear politicians, I did not call a presser to complain that the queue was long and disorganized. I waited. Do the same.

If #TheNairobiWoman starts a phone call with, "Aki sweetie si unajua nakupenda" your bank account is about to suffer.

#RudishaFacts Most people run like the wind. The wind runs like Rudisha

#TheNairobiWoman starts her shopping at Enka Rasha for browsing purposes then proceeds to Ngara for actualization.

#WIN RT @amjoe_ #1000ReasonsToBelieveInKenya The person in front of you in a marathon is always Kenyan

The arrogance of politicians! Can you imagine a new employee demanding a pay rise during orientation?

If u and him have chemistry but he has history with someone else, avoid biology with him. The math will get complex.

RT @tmutta: #budgetyamasufferer hii road to success ijengwe na wachina ndio jam iishe

Ruto crying position activated. Loading tear ducts.... 50% complete. Please wait.

#RudishaFacts Rudisha does not chase women. He slowly walks after them to give them a fair chance.

Dear @railaodinga. Sir, you should have been rallying your troops IN PARLIAMENT to oppose the amendments, not reacting sensationally AFTER!

I think we need to tally the minutes manually. IEBC seem to have problems with their electronic watches.

Kudos to media houses for NOT airing political press conferences live. Way to go! #KenyaFirst

RT @djsadic Kwisha ---> #budgetyamasufferer maziwa lala iamshwe...

RT @andreflavour: #BudgetYaMasufferer logo ya apple iumwe tena bei ipungue!

Flowers + chocolate + dinner = Ksh 3000. Apology card = Ksh50. Fanya hesabu. Wachana na mpango wa valentine.

Being popular on twitter is a lot like getting the front seat in a mat. You'll feel all important but after the trip, bado mat sio yako.

Please Kibaki, call someone mavi ya kuku one last time.

#GamesToDescribeSex is trending? Oh, at least its trending alongside REASONS YOURE SINGLE

Can ALL politicians just STOP giving press conferences until the tallying is done? If you have evidence, table it where it matters.