All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.

No matter HOW bad your day is....... remember, there's some one that has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell....

Bitch in front of me pick a fucking lane.... oh wait she's tweeting..... go ahead hunny... I keep the lane open for you until you're done

So my husband asked if he was the best I ever had, I said not even a close second, and that's when the fight started.

If twitter wants to "promote" anything, they should promote airlines.

Don't they realize we all live like 1200 miles away from each other?

Don't attack my vagina like a guy at a pie eating contest.... savour that shit like it's a gourmet meal....

Ahhh..... Sunday morning... the smell of bar, regret and what's his name.....

The girl next to me has hiccups, so I screamed in her face... hiccups gone... you're welcome.

Waking up to someone kissing me softly on my bare shoulder, arm sliding down around me, pulling my body against his.... that's what I miss

I want to see you...

Smell you...

Taste you...

Touch you....

Hear you roar when I make you cum....

To all the men i see tonight..... game on

Some days you just need a box of wine and a crazy straw

If I am supposed to love my neighbor as myself...... his wife is going to get pissed.

Thought about ripping out my ovaries after yesterday, but I'd rather not grow a mustache. Fucking estrogen-it's a love-hate-cry-psycho thing

Just went to the bathroom at this bar & noticed my zipper's down... my vagina is so excited to be out of the house she's trying to escape

There's nothing hotter than knowing you are the reason a man's jeans get tight

If you are going to fuck somebody famous it should be Ronald McDonald because....clown

I seem to always be "the right girl at the wrong time"

I am the best lay I ever had!

The problem with most people is that they are educated beyond their actual intelligence....