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  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. In conclusion: pancakes are more important than family.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    _TayTayJustineLudacrys414______SeanD1111DMCSarfdaniepediamisshayleebeelilly_rush24______ArpitJawa
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    SeanD1111Plaid_NauseumFikeN_07Rustychacho_kim_berly__PhilThePhotoGuyamydarcyJTMarris
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

    • 376
    • FAVS
    funnyguybadkitty_chrisnhuffPeteECochraneJaceFuseYourBabyJames____Spotswoj__________yodelmachine
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    paisleyboxers
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    You can’t spell "manslaughter" without "laughter". You also can’t spell "schadenfreude" without spell check.

    • 324
    • FAVS
    funnyguybadkitty_strophicusPeteECochraneYourBabyJames____Hellbound_Kitty__yodelmachinefuddlemark
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    "Have you seen my denim jacket?"
    "No. But it's ok, I just checked the weather & it's not going to be in the 1980's today."

    • 267
    • FAVS
    craigbedardtrislothChinds57lonelycheese______uhhhleashuhhhcoolstoryjo_RebeccaPermacknoahWG
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    SusannaWhitmancoolstoryjo_titasotolaineydiamond
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    My Droid autocorrects "I'm" to "Shaq", so I send texts like "Shaq hungry". Which is probably what it's like to get a text from Shaq himself.

    • 256
    • FAVS
    jendatweetsdoublehellixdaggerbytePackyLundholmSpotswoj__________Hellbound_Kitty__whathedil__ilumbgf
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    PackyLundholmminealone6doronofircast
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    Why does my Pirates of the Caribbean DVD have a piracy warning? I think that pretty much goes without saying.

    • 225
    • FAVS
    Spotswoj__________Hellbound_Kitty__fuddlemarksydwnCutlerishfabian_dustqualitopiamattherold
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Uiisira
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    I was gonna get my boyfriend an iPad for his b-day, but those things are pricey. I ended up getting him a magnifying glass for his iPhone.

    • 206
    • FAVS
    cynthiadelarialodelaro__________fuddlemarkDJNeaultNikHimselfCutlerishTweeterTrashjeremyturner
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    I'm pretty sure Mensa hands out bumper stickers as a test. If you put it on your car, you fail.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    Saisi_donniSpotswoj__________TerminalSingles__NikHimselffabian_dustqualitopiaTweeterTrash
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    When I'm waiting for an elevator and someone pushes the already lit button, I like to say "Thank God you arrived! I've been here for days!"

    • 198
    • FAVS
    cynthiadelariaKrakowChroniclejontelotteBrat13Spotswoj__________RoseOkelloNole4evermaulinamin
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    OdettaCoolidge
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    Pro Tip: If someone asks you if you "have a sec" and you answer "I have lots of secs", they will forget their original question.

    • 189
    • FAVS
    Spotswoj__________Hellbound_Kitty__EignaOfuddlemarkNikHimselfCutlerishfabian_dustWhooBooLou
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    I hope next year they make Hurt Locker 2: Lady Hurt Locker.

    • 188
    • FAVS
    Hellbound_Kitty__yodelmachineTweeterTrashmsteciukderekasaurusant_danielledavegorumKarenLyneButler
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    There is no food in this house. All that's left are ingredients.

    • 180
    • FAVS
    L10weBrat13whlteXbreadJaceFuseSpotswoj__________yodelmachinewordflirt________Cutlerish
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    Wearing makeup can make you prettier on the outside, but it isn't going to help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

    • 168
    • FAVS
    NY_NKE____Saisi_PeteECochraneMissMaryLoganSzusHpalmkiloTarabencionthefarshore
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    Whenever I see someone sneezing repeatedly, I'm tempted to grab them by the shoulders and yell at them to get their life together.

    • 105
    • FAVS
    laurhBurrisHarrisbig_governmentmondanivalowoodyennuimargaretcmoranlazerdoovjhalpin23
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    lukaslarsynAdil_Usman26NNeumillerbforrealstevensshortblondeguyDick_Musselosteoferociousmylifeisamy
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    Dear Keebler elves, 100 calorie packs of cookies suck. I hope your tree burns down.

    • 157
    • FAVS
    __GXHellbound_Kitty__NikHimselfWhooBooLouTweeterTrashderekasaurusKablooie____AmericaArias
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    bobamazing
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    I've been having a hard time getting up in the morning, so I googled possible causes. Now I'm worried I might have Erectile Dysfunction.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    NikHimselfTweeterTrashlinajkjoaoclima________RockSquashJORO312psybenmarvin
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    My GPS announces "You have arrived" when I get to my office. That's right, GPS. I'm somebody now. Sittin' in my cubicle. Livin' the dream.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    PeteECochraneCptChunk__ilumbgfNikHimselfItsOkBlameMe______qualitopiaTweeterTrashwortsportort
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    You can't make me get up, you're not the *real* 6:45! The real 6:45 has dinner!

    • 136
    • FAVS
    yodelmachinefuddlemarkNikHimselfnoknowmattheroldWhooBooLouTweeterTrashkmbaldau
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    These beer cans are supposed to change when they're drinkable, but I think mine are defective, after 2 hours they still say Coors Light.

    • 132
    • FAVS
    fuddlemarklodelaro__________NikHimselfTweeterTrashRockSquashFireBug_58GCBoiderekasaurus
  • crispycracka
      Christy Ann @crispycracka

    My Captain Crunch got soggy, and it made me think of how fragile life really is.

    • 130
    • FAVS
    NikHimselfTweeterTrashderekasaurusant_danielleSexyInsomniacoinkflapoBryanlinanneblack
@crispycracka

@crispycracka

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