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  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

    • 5,242
    • FAVS
    Enriqrafaxackarmannauticalnoodlezjennin2Zach_WilcoxjawbrokenBeanStroupPowerLlama
    • 4,281
    • RETWEETS
    MirraMacDandrewboonedogMayajackson_ventdwellerjpMRPHPeter_Friesloathsome_idiotjacobstea
    tnylgnjonnysunHome_Halfwaypudding_clubgoodpowerful__tastefactorySlothCEOSamGrittnerstevesimasUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "daddy where do babies come from"
    "we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"

    • 4,823
    • FAVS
    djombic_fjmikacCraifywaifyBlindingVoipgskala01IBHirschstenbergabarnNatBenCol
    • 3,168
    • RETWEETS
    PaulGJ1205thegreenratbribblebrabblealecrobbinsTripleKanIgnasciousJamColleyBronzeHammer
    anjadrischvelcrofannypackHome_Halfway_Jim_FearearfdaeBeeStaplerUNTRESORnrrbtpoopiestjonnysunshruglordgrumpysalmonPajamaBen_AstonishingSod
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?"
    8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for

    • 4,596
    • FAVS
    darby_smurfMediumPapaJnosmo_ARPMysteriousDrDacreaturemelissagraeberE_Hentai_TXT
    • 3,177
    • RETWEETS
    MysteriousDrD1114coleCobbahawkwho_is_nataliaGhostofBebopAlimugungaKTA_mckittenburker86
    EenfidelDavidRaymondT__Mickey_McCauleySatansTonguebriangaartrash_sleeperGHOSTBONESPajamaBen_dankmtl
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    SHE's an upright lawyer who plays it by the book. HE's a carefree guitarist who plays it by ear. But they're both *record scratch* assholes

    • 4,540
    • FAVS
    thepaulboothhussey_jackfjmikacdeej_stantonKillGoldfishswalsh29glenna_optugh_theflyers
    • 2,132
    • RETWEETS
    liaalane2416256giventofly41rightbackriahsomehowalawyerstadistaKLorey18slimeszs
    SpaceCatZeroManda_like_wineAceMakesWordselectrolemon
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    there's a piece of meat in your chest thats constantly taking in and shooting out blood and sometimes it has special feelings about people

    • 2,963
    • FAVS
    mikewilmBitterMeeeelarahsanderstefanguimondhussey_jackbruxadollSarahMarinara_DoyleBaleigh
    • 2,576
    • RETWEETS
    MattWilmersTheSadBoysstefanguimondfallingbeadsBookkeeppeerrahsguitar13AmandaThalerKatyAnnGrubby
    pleatedjeansJasonLastnameSamGrittnerUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I don't think I like where this coffee table is going pic.twitter.com/KIHzUVpoc4

    • 3,723
    • FAVS
    shutupandjamGeorgianughhWilliamADekkerracorrelljustinsideyou_BRVDLEYPBjoyjadinamyynoelle
    • 1,716
    • RETWEETS
    SamSweetmilknot_a_harpistAxealiabrittmilitialastnamesirBasedTheGBrentforbrainsleandrojmp
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    hmm well I'd say I'm fiscally conservative but socially very liberal. the problems are bad but their causes...their causes are very good

    • 3,439
    • FAVS
    Maltr0nGoddTillitsjaddyaprilageMediumPapaJcedrsssh_squirrelwill_stowell
    • 1,931
    • RETWEETS
    GoddTillSpaldingBallsjweb460Trtrnxchief_piggumAJEichlerNickayNicktealandpurple
    adamrenschLHGarrett
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the guns taped to the dogs head *batman voice* Alfred look what I did to the dog

    • 3,097
    • FAVS
    SamSweetmilkfjmikacjennabruickCaseyYouLaterprakticenalPaPaJuJuBooBooEricTFallonsploosk
    • 2,064
    • RETWEETS
    MattWilmersprakticenaltimothybird186TeejayRushBigFatNothingChandiggitywest_coltonCLAuguste
    BromanConsulRowdySailboatMickey_McCauleysunfilterjefftminstonjonnysuncrylenolbroccobamali_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Batman accidentally tweeting from his Bruce Wayne account

    • 2,712
    • FAVS
    megptrmnstefanguimondaherdofpenguinsaka_fatmanthesh0ck3rMason_STaDeAnaBananaCostaldotvictor
    • 2,129
    • RETWEETS
    stefanguimondmr_jack700ldotvictorsquidneyreneeafifah_pipthatkelseyygirlNotShawnyHillIggySuarez
    sisediSortaBadineedaballrub
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Obama sobs as he signs Theres No More Ice Cream Act. "Its really all gone?!" he cries. Biden winks to crowd as he sneaks up w/ giant sundae

    • 2,778
    • FAVS
    brekiehnauFunkyWilly79rrecyclopsMattDeezBrad_Heath96MrBikferdRockitawkwardlynativebynature
    • 1,925
    • RETWEETS
    FunkyWilly79rrecyclopswest_coltonrdmbradshawFrozenTroJan1snowglakeszachbritehschwennesen
    earfdaemaxlavergneRowdySailboatshruglordFred_Deliciousoceanicfacebook__electrolemonWeedCoffin
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"
    "Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
    "Hey kid...catch"
    *kid turns around to see incoming plane*

    • 3,063
    • FAVS
    CimmerianKeyschelsealavsacuntasaurusrexSuitableHolmessmellslikelemonsensual_tigerQuitCowSkeeDon_Bowers
    • 1,482
    • RETWEETS
    Michael5LFCZ_A_KlinetshelseaToatsMcGroatsvixssecretisCAMErON_MEgarrett_krausflacelle
    JennyPentlandRowdySailboatspitfirehussy__SlothCEODJ_PiddlesKyle_LippertTheDairylandDonUsedTurtleKKAlThaniSPSSSdungphenom________hottubpeepattymorudetanksplopadopthrillbo__________robfeebrownboyblueschuchugoogooJevenSteakobsonbrassiere_broAceMakesWordsWeedCoffinweird_hugs________
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    *impales flutist* "must be flute poisoning" *bludgeons French horn player* "am I making u horny" *throws tuba player off cliff* "tu...bad."

    • 2,865
    • FAVS
    ThisWouldBeAceGthesh0ck3rspork_and_knifeflorgblorgtheboynoodlewokrsDynamicDaeganS1imSHEAdy
    • 1,505
    • RETWEETS
    neckbreadMcGillicuttewilrettwest_coltonBiGGreatBustardtheboynoodledogstoevskyDavosFreeze
    Poopy_Pizza_Paldammitbabies__BassoonJokestastefactoryweird_hugs________chrisjoonior
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Replace the Ts in Tim Tebow's name with any other consonant to get a Star Wars character

    • 2,337
    • FAVS
    apopagasmgracecawispykids2001GarbageMysticCoreyLaurinnrrdZachAlosaurusTrevHill
    • 1,975
    • RETWEETS
    BAMF_COWspykids2001tdub0420ZachAlosaurusTrevHillchalupsterNadir3886JamesRuiz_
    FartButt11pattymoearfdae
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*

    • 2,183
    • FAVS
    floraraybouldryanlcoopergrobstein24HRdisrespectmj_clvrkKuntzChuckStephenRuhJackTiniron
    • 1,534
    • RETWEETS
    DonHamillingdamnitCharlotteOfOzsachzhorufiHanksinglexmattsciolaroxjimdankoginnaynay
    havingafatdaypantswearer_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "I OBJECT" "no, Counsel...you person." *emotional hug*

    • 2,409
    • FAVS
    rudymaxredfivetwoGobroksAlexEvanAguiarMaya_Angelubethesh0ck3revoIvingsvelte_wise
    • 1,306
    • RETWEETS
    waelwulfwest_coltondouble_chins__AsaAnderson12favstar_historybenchy_vJackgaughan97rac2750
    jwoodhamAceMakesWordsalien_sushiUsedTurtleLunarmayorBassoonJokesRClaytclynque
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Wow you changed your makeup in 16 different hot ways. And where did you learn those 8 moves that drove me wild *sees Cosmo on the table* ah

    • 2,187
    • FAVS
    pathetic_bozoapopagasmdelaneywhitnadia__saysmagggiecripeturnoffthissonggeo_t_macugh_theflyers
    • 1,021
    • RETWEETS
    cantsinghthesh0ck3rAprilEatsTacosjlm342iwearaonesiewhatsanoventomsdailyjokeWRThurston
    Home_HalfwayAceMakesWordsAaronFullerton
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Sir did you know you were going 35 in a 25 mph zone" *rookie partner pukes*

    • 2,098
    • FAVS
    hussey_jackdeej_stantonMimi_LegitChekNurrizPlsthesh0ck3rJaykubAnotjeffryanmeh_kenna
    • 864
    • RETWEETS
    _IRLgirlJHolla30cantsinghTacoChildrenHuffmanForDaysskecr8rholf18The_Best_Jake4
    briangaarneedlemenschilgrandechuckrobdelaney
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I leave...my entire estate and fortune...to...to...*struggles to put on Borat wig and mustache*

    • 2,221
    • FAVS
    420koolguy69brotisseriechknbrubinowFFFRRANNNOHirzTweetssveikillfauxhandlebarnilrod
    • 648
    • RETWEETS
    MARKRHOMBERGFFFRRANNNOKristynvai7andyjlittapopagasmfauxhandlebarnilrodrowsdower15
    earfdaeJhonRulestastefactorypattymosunfilter_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Shy construction crew just blushing and kicking at the ground every time a lady walks by

    • 2,022
    • FAVS
    SamuelLessingRyanLaRicheSlewFootersJackTinironCoolishCoolidgejlm342gonzohostilitygaston_marian
    • 834
    • RETWEETS
    SlewFootersDanielKonikoffjlm342TheRealRHBiwearaonesiewhatsanovenLilyQuinn34ZachTynes
    refinagenilkearfdaeLostCatDog
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    You say you kissed a girl?! Hot crackers, whatta scoop! Now *tips back hat w/ little sign that says "PRESS"* did you learn how they pee

    • 2,133
    • FAVS
    durag_dadshhhenkoberntlenzgarbagefurklemetalgr0ssvampireweedendalicedetweetfermunation
    • 714
    • RETWEETS
    e_ggy_MlNKURIspaceghostburpshhhenkoLOLY2Kblinkclyropaigan_vampireweedend
    SamGrittnerdubstep4dadscrylenolwinnersusedrugs
@crushingbort

@crushingbort
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Freelance photographer for plus-sized cats clothing catalogue