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  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

    • 5,153
    • FAVS
    kyliebabyxoxJettBisqueJustSomeGingeNigelVenableSpaceTerroristshughes_atJayneAintAGirlnotjeffryan
    • 4,278
    • RETWEETS
    NigelVenableSpaceTerroristsGarbageMysticBramptonBartmanVarnyhamCharlie_SimonsjacobTisRadaelphie_
    tnylgnjonnysunHome_Halfwaypudding_clubgoodpowerfultastefactorySlothCEOSamGrittnerstevesimasUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "daddy where do babies come from"
    "we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"

    • 4,722
    • FAVS
    bryanjewellthe_kizzleradiciccoTheManOfSealCROWEbraStarshpmap_keeperjanellezedTeddyDuane
    • 3,114
    • RETWEETS
    tylermcjunkin26jacobTisRadcrallowsjlm342tomkatsumifunondarunLou_Polesdanvaubon
    anjadrischvelcrofannypackHome_Halfway_Jim_FearearfdaeBeeStaplerUNTRESORnrrbtpoopiestjonnysunshruglordgrumpysalmonPajamaBen_AstonishingSod
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?"
    8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for

    • 4,471
    • FAVS
    makjakTHE_REAL_PBUTTamyripleydirty_snowflakevideocrimeAlexander_Angermf0x00GirouxMcIsaak
    • 3,094
    • RETWEETS
    FlorescentYouthTHE_REAL_PBUTTvideocrimemf0x00mycoolaugustineSorrelSwingfunsweaterbebegoth
    EenfidelDavidRaymondTMickey_McCauleySatansTonguebriangaartrash_sleeperGHOSTBONESPajamaBen_dankmtl
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    SHE's an upright lawyer who plays it by the book. HE's a carefree guitarist who plays it by ear. But they're both *record scratch* assholes

    • 4,537
    • FAVS
    LordbadtweetsnotjeffryanKuntzChuckJackTinironawomanskwarnederinimmediatelydomenicahopelalalalaurara
    • 2,132
    • RETWEETS
    somehowalawyerstadistaKLorey18slimeszshpatschkeMgQ85willblay_whatsanoven
    SpaceCatZeroManda_like_wineAceMakesWordselectrolemon
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    there's a piece of meat in your chest thats constantly taking in and shooting out blood and sometimes it has special feelings about people

    • 2,944
    • FAVS
    kielyforniaHanniballlerZach40892XaiHollowSam_Darkoafgomes6JBing03Irrma_Wormaa
    • 2,564
    • RETWEETS
    K3NNY5Jennaraterwtvrhaleynever_42LotusBeFreeIrrma_WormaapolefloaterTYLERCSMCNALLY
    pleatedjeansJasonLastnameSamGrittnerUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I don't think I like where this coffee table is going pic.twitter.com/KIHzUVpoc4

    • 3,723
    • FAVS
    joyjadinamyynoellebenonymousssRooneyntheBeastrawcowmilkallstatesaxrogerwavesTh3PezDispencer
    • 1,716
    • RETWEETS
    BasedTheGBrentforbrainsleandrojmppablosaraivajohn_lopesKolonelBRooneyntheBeastPlankySmith
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the guns taped to the dogs head *batman voice* Alfred look what I did to the dog

    • 3,081
    • FAVS
    GarbageMysticnotjeffryanmeh_kennaJackTinironjlm342click4amandaZbg333ThreeTwoEephus
    • 2,059
    • RETWEETS
    jlm342gaston_marianarthurwyatt2house2flyBarnacle_Bill24dunndunndunnmilksweaterJakesterr
    BromanConsulRowdySailboatMickey_McCauleysunfilterjefftminstonjonnysuncrylenolbroccobamali_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Batman accidentally tweeting from his Bruce Wayne account

    • 2,703
    • FAVS
    JSuttenfieldGarbageMysticnotjeffryanKuntzChuckTrilledCheeseJackTinironafifah_pipkyleeckerman17
    • 2,128
    • RETWEETS
    squidneyreneeafifah_pipthatkelseyygirlNotShawnyHillIggySuarezTom_Briglianhzbhdangerousdave__
    sisediSortaBadineedaballrub
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Obama sobs as he signs Theres No More Ice Cream Act. "Its really all gone?!" he cries. Biden winks to crowd as he sneaks up w/ giant sundae

    • 2,708
    • FAVS
    haunterdadwokrsJackTinironCharlie_SimonstomclaretMark_DubsMcFAR4TheCourse_bam
    • 1,888
    • RETWEETS
    haunterdadMark_Dubsphillyfan0417WesYee_bamgvntofly1021wotnowammanAlex_Kienholz
    maxlavergneRowdySailboatshruglordFred_Deliciousoceanicfacebook__electrolemonWeedCoffin
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"
    "Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
    "Hey kid...catch"
    *kid turns around to see incoming plane*

    • 2,964
    • FAVS
    MrBikferdLizWithTheStuffludusaitaspIodedbrookssterrittSteelCityDawnHarrisonMcCordTotal_Badass
    • 1,436
    • RETWEETS
    whatsanovenfavstar_historyETDWNgiventofly41cook_dog__plainskullSoul_Jamesdannolan
    JennyPentlandRowdySailboatspitfirehussySlothCEODJ_PiddlesKyle_LippertTheDairylandDonUsedTurtleKKAlThaniSPSSSdungphenom________hottubpeepattymorudetanksplopadopthrillbo__________robfeebrownboyblueschuchugoogooJevenSteakobsonbrassiere_broAceMakesWordsWeedCoffinweird_hugs________
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    *impales flutist* "must be flute poisoning" *bludgeons French horn player* "am I making u horny" *throws tuba player off cliff* "tu...bad."

    • 2,863
    • FAVS
    wokrsDynamicDaeganS1imSHEAdyCapntasticJDGATXMeganNiquetteJenniferCheekbrookssterritt
    • 1,503
    • RETWEETS
    DavosFreezeDanCollinMburgercometSpringaldJackoverclickedNullzone42penismanlyguy69DanielSolis
    Pizzerrificdammitbabies__BassoonJokestastefactoryweird_hugs________chrisjoonior
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Replace the Ts in Tim Tebow's name with any other consonant to get a Star Wars character

    • 2,336
    • FAVS
    GarbageMysticCoreyLaurinnrrdZachAlosaurusTrevHillThe_Rottmanr_mackey13Jordoergo
    • 1,975
    • RETWEETS
    tdub0420ZachAlosaurusTrevHillchalupsterNadir3886JamesRuiz_cheddarbiskitspange_bub
    FartButt11pattymoearfdae
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    hmm well I'd say I'm fiscally conservative but socially very liberal. the problems are bad but their causes...their causes are very good

    • 2,684
    • FAVS
    HAPASQUIDDYKINSJoseEganFracturedFieldsjanechiffWIITCHBIITCHkokeshidollaPBJfamAichmomanic
    • 1,492
    • RETWEETS
    HAPASQUIDDYKINSAnimeHelperWolf99555hieronymus_burpconkygeogangActuarialReportcryotuna
    adamrenschLHGarrett
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*

    • 2,182
    • FAVS
    KuntzChuckStephenRuhJackTinirondangerousdave__deathsquadbratbrookssterrittiouea_Total_Badass
    • 1,533
    • RETWEETS
    HanksinglexmattsciolaroxjimdankoginnaynayBowbrownhallnicksLetdownLizzieWakeAndJake609
    havingafatdaypantswearer_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "I OBJECT" "no, Counsel...you person." *emotional hug*

    • 2,408
    • FAVS
    benonymousssan_penguint54r4n1TomSmizzleofficialsavsTh3PezDispencerbrookssterrittturnoffthissong
    • 1,303
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historybenchy_vJackgaughan97rac2750aloadofhuplacoolgarydotnetTomSmizzleDrSlouch
    jwoodhamAceMakesWordsalien_sushiUsedTurtleLunarmayorBassoonJokesRClaytclynque
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Wow you changed your makeup in 16 different hot ways. And where did you learn those 8 moves that drove me wild *sees Cosmo on the table* ah

    • 2,186
    • FAVS
    JackTinironiwearaonesieILoveSailing123brookssterrittnicholeleosoggysoilgollymiss_hollyJosephNHolmes
    • 1,019
    • RETWEETS
    AprilEatsTacosjlm342iwearaonesiewhatsanoventomsdailyjokeWRThurstonFazio_Nfu_forthought
    Home_HalfwayAceMakesWordsAaronFullerton
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Sir did you know you were going 35 in a 25 mph zone" *rookie partner pukes*

    • 2,097
    • FAVS
    JaykubAnotjeffryanmeh_kennaTRO619brepreparedFakeGrantGavinHornakFinnbrookssterritt
    • 863
    • RETWEETS
    JTAcreeHuffmanForDaysskecr8rholf18The_Best_Jake4plainskullLuisCamacho_0ballinger
    briangaarneedlemenschilgrandechuckrobdelaney
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I leave...my entire estate and fortune...to...to...*struggles to put on Borat wig and mustache*

    • 2,216
    • FAVS
    crayzsnailcool_bugsdrjemmlesBHoch87SavyWatersoshuajclarecooganjetfreshflow
    • 645
    • RETWEETS
    crayzsnailoshuajJdwinddhipsterbonerpuzzy_cutzVonster15GringoStarr12BONER_POWER_420
    earfdaeJhonRulestastefactorypattymosunfilter_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Shy construction crew just blushing and kicking at the ground every time a lady walks by

    • 2,019
    • FAVS
    JackTinironCoolishCoolidgejlm342gonzohostilitygaston_marianTheRealRHBiwearaonesieILoveSailing123
    • 833
    • RETWEETS
    DanielKonikoffjlm342TheRealRHBiwearaonesiewhatsanovenLilyQuinn34ZachTynesrefinagenilk
    refinagenilkearfdaeLostCatDog
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    You say you kissed a girl?! Hot crackers, whatta scoop! Now *tips back hat w/ little sign that says "PRESS"* did you learn how they pee

    • 2,114
    • FAVS
    cdlKyle_underscorelikedadsaysAGremlinStormLonettoMBgingermatt5_dlugosandbaskin
    • 702
    • RETWEETS
    calebpalmaVansantcwhatsanovenscottkirasCreatineAvengerTheBiggestNastyDiscourse_AdamEdwards41
    SamGrittnerdubstep4dadscrylenolwinnersusedrugs
@crushingbort

@crushingbort
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