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  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

    • 5,169
    • FAVS
    toddyh11yakuza94930775flying_dungmanMUSTACHIOSAURUSthesh0ck3rBusterWolf1ryan_santonegatherion
    • 4,280
    • RETWEETS
    JohnnyUtahLivesMUSTACHIOSAURUSjeffreyquahkeeeeeeeelzDaveWuzzHereilikethenbaEelRatCROWEbraStarshp
    tnylgnjonnysunHome_Halfwaypudding_clubgoodpowerful__tastefactorySlothCEOSamGrittnerstevesimasUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "daddy where do babies come from"
    "we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"

    • 4,821
    • FAVS
    gskala01IBHirschstenbergabarnNatBenColMartinUrbanoTripleKanElycePhillipsTheSavdawg18
    • 3,168
    • RETWEETS
    thegreenratbribblebrabblealecrobbinsTripleKanIgnasciousJamColleyBronzeHammerLayo_91
    anjadrisch__velcrofannypackHome_Halfway_Jim_FearearfdaeBeeStaplerUNTRESORnrrbtpoopiestjonnysunshruglordgrumpysalmonPajamaBen_AstonishingSod
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?"
    8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for

    • 4,476
    • FAVS
    BrianisntfunnyPBDOTBigRedWolferSneepmichael_carter2joysprickellcheesehayleyjane72
    • 3,100
    • RETWEETS
    ciscohtxBigRedWolferSneepUncleTriniOhGodThatGuykgroetzpaulbensonsucksAsaAnderson12
    EenfidelDavidRaymondT__Mickey_McCauleySatansTonguebriangaartrash_sleeperGHOSTBONESPajamaBen_dankmtl
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    SHE's an upright lawyer who plays it by the book. HE's a carefree guitarist who plays it by ear. But they're both *record scratch* assholes

    • 4,539
    • FAVS
    KillGoldfishswalsh29glenna_optugh_theflyersblackkdanrightbackriahArronskidankpoopfingers
    • 2,132
    • RETWEETS
    2416256giventofly41rightbackriahsomehowalawyerstadistaKLorey18slimeszshpatschke
    SpaceCatZeroManda_like_wineAceMakesWordselectrolemon
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    there's a piece of meat in your chest thats constantly taking in and shooting out blood and sometimes it has special feelings about people

    • 2,962
    • FAVS
    bruxadollSarahMarinara_DoyleBaleighahsguitar13ShoefoneWeasleyMegan_MoweryBambieWodkinsmothrajovovich
    • 2,575
    • RETWEETS
    fallingbeadsBookkeeppeerrahsguitar13AmandaThalerKatyAnnGrubbymarlies_jansenmothrajovovichBoscoPorter
    pleatedjeansJasonLastnameSamGrittnerUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I don't think I like where this coffee table is going pic.twitter.com/KIHzUVpoc4

    • 3,723
    • FAVS
    WilliamADekkerracorrelljustinsideyou_BRVDLEYPBjoyjadinamyynoellebenonymousssRooneyntheBeast
    • 1,716
    • RETWEETS
    not_a_harpistAxealiabrittmilitialastnamesirBasedTheGBrentforbrainsleandrojmppablosaraiva
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the guns taped to the dogs head *batman voice* Alfred look what I did to the dog

    • 3,094
    • FAVS
    CaseyYouLaterprakticenalPaPaJuJuBooBooEricTFallonsplooskTeejayRushmalenkypaulapopagasm
    • 2,064
    • RETWEETS
    prakticenaltimothybird186TeejayRushBigFatNothingChandiggitywest_coltonCLAugusteShasta_Otter
    BromanConsulRowdySailboatMickey_McCauleysunfilterjefftminstonjonnysuncrylenolbroccobamali_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Batman accidentally tweeting from his Bruce Wayne account

    • 2,711
    • FAVS
    aherdofpenguinsaka_fatmanthesh0ck3rMason_STaDeAnaBananaCostaldotvictorArronskiPanDao_Express
    • 2,128
    • RETWEETS
    mr_jack700ldotvictorsquidneyreneeafifah_pipthatkelseyygirlNotShawnyHillIggySuarezTom_Briglia
    sisediSortaBadineedaballrub
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Obama sobs as he signs Theres No More Ice Cream Act. "Its really all gone?!" he cries. Biden winks to crowd as he sneaks up w/ giant sundae

    • 2,778
    • FAVS
    Brad_Heath96MrBikferdRockitawkwardlynativebynaturenonphenoMenonSamuelLessingFrozenTroJan1mingusss
    • 1,925
    • RETWEETS
    west_coltonrdmbradshawFrozenTroJan1snowglakeszachbritehschwennesenisitaboutmycubebenschwenn
    earfdaemaxlavergneRowdySailboatshruglordFred_Deliciousoceanicfacebook__electrolemonWeedCoffin
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"
    "Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
    "Hey kid...catch"
    *kid turns around to see incoming plane*

    • 3,063
    • FAVS
    CimmerianKeyschelsealavsacuntasaurusrexSuitableHolmessmellslikelemonsensual_tigerQuitCowSkeeDon_Bowers
    • 1,478
    • RETWEETS
    vixssecretisCAMErON_MEgarrett_krausflacelleBlieEouoveillaJorgee_niqqaSamuel_05231999
    JennyPentlandRowdySailboatspitfirehussySlothCEODJ_PiddlesKyle_LippertTheDairylandDonUsedTurtleKKAlThaniSPSSSdungphenom________hottubpeepattymorudetanksplopadopthrillbo__________robfeebrownboyblueschuchugoogooJevenSteakobsonbrassiere_broAceMakesWordsWeedCoffinweird_hugs________
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    hmm well I'd say I'm fiscally conservative but socially very liberal. the problems are bad but their causes...their causes are very good

    • 2,805
    • FAVS
    lukediamondpaalupuluimorri_mikesomeofmybestLewisHoldenNZTheEgonomistjustshutupjulietom_laurie
    • 1,572
    • RETWEETS
    blake_buckleyaalupuluinompodiSkirkLeeTheEgonomistourjerbsabalolsDeadlyMistletoe
    adamrenschLHGarrett
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    *impales flutist* "must be flute poisoning" *bludgeons French horn player* "am I making u horny" *throws tuba player off cliff* "tu...bad."

    • 2,865
    • FAVS
    thesh0ck3rspork_and_knifeflorgblorgtheboynoodlewokrsDynamicDaeganS1imSHEAdyCapntastic
    • 1,505
    • RETWEETS
    wilrettwest_coltonBiGGreatBustardtheboynoodledogstoevskyDavosFreezeDanCollinMburgercomet
    Pizzerrificdammitbabies__BassoonJokestastefactoryweird_hugs________chrisjoonior
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Replace the Ts in Tim Tebow's name with any other consonant to get a Star Wars character

    • 2,337
    • FAVS
    apopagasmgracecawispykids2001GarbageMysticCoreyLaurinnrrdZachAlosaurusTrevHill
    • 1,975
    • RETWEETS
    BAMF_COWspykids2001tdub0420ZachAlosaurusTrevHillchalupsterNadir3886JamesRuiz_
    FartButt11pattymoearfdae
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*

    • 2,183
    • FAVS
    grobstein24HRdisrespectmj_cIarkKuntzChuckStephenRuhJackTinirondangerousdave__deathsquadbrat
    • 1,534
    • RETWEETS
    ingdamnitCharlotteOfOzsachzhorufiHanksinglexmattsciolaroxjimdankoginnaynayBowbrown
    havingafatdaypantswearer_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "I OBJECT" "no, Counsel...you person." *emotional hug*

    • 2,409
    • FAVS
    AlexEvanAguiarMaya_Angelubethesh0ck3revoIvingsvelte_wisevisuaIpoembenonymousssan_penguin
    • 1,306
    • RETWEETS
    west_coltondouble_chinsAsaAnderson12favstar_historybenchy_vJackgaughan97rac2750aloadofhupla
    jwoodhamAceMakesWordsalien_sushiUsedTurtleLunarmayorBassoonJokesRClaytclynque
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Wow you changed your makeup in 16 different hot ways. And where did you learn those 8 moves that drove me wild *sees Cosmo on the table* ah

    • 2,187
    • FAVS
    pathetic_bozoapopagasmdelaneywhitnadia__saysmagggiecripeturnoffthissonggeo_t_macugh_theflyers
    • 1,021
    • RETWEETS
    cantsinghthesh0ck3rAprilEatsTacosjlm342iwearaonesiewhatsanoventomsdailyjokeWRThurston
    Home_HalfwayAceMakesWordsAaronFullerton
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Sir did you know you were going 35 in a 25 mph zone" *rookie partner pukes*

    • 2,098
    • FAVS
    Mimi_LegitChekNurrizPlsthesh0ck3rJaykubAnotjeffryanmeh_kennaTRO619breprepared
    • 864
    • RETWEETS
    _IRLgirlJHolla30cantsinghTacoChildrenHuffmanForDaysskecr8rholf18The_Best_Jake4
    briangaarneedlemenschilgrandechuckrobdelaney
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I leave...my entire estate and fortune...to...to...*struggles to put on Borat wig and mustache*

    • 2,220
    • FAVS
    sveikillfauxhandlebarnilrodgo4itrawdogrowsdower15crayzsnailcool_bugsdrjemmles
    • 648
    • RETWEETS
    apopagasmfauxhandlebarnilrodrowsdower15crayzsnailoshuajJdwinddhipsterboner
    earfdaeJhonRulestastefactorypattymosunfilter_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Shy construction crew just blushing and kicking at the ground every time a lady walks by

    • 2,022
    • FAVS
    SamuelLessingRyanLaRicheSlewFootersJackTinironCoolishCoolidgejlm342gonzohostilitygaston_marian
    • 834
    • RETWEETS
    SlewFootersDanielKonikoffjlm342TheRealRHBiwearaonesiewhatsanovenLilyQuinn34ZachTynes
    refinagenilkearfdaeLostCatDog
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    You say you kissed a girl?! Hot crackers, whatta scoop! Now *tips back hat w/ little sign that says "PRESS"* did you learn how they pee

    • 2,126
    • FAVS
    fermunationCambriUghpoopiestBulletWolfRowdyBowdenINTERNETFRIENDTheRealHepcatnotmyzeitgeist
    • 706
    • RETWEETS
    JasonRaittgazefierstevecoyTheSpencerPerrymisterjamoNoneed4pantzthxThankUBasedRobpatchak21
    SamGrittnerdubstep4dadscrylenolwinnersusedrugs
@crushingbort

@crushingbort
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