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Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
"Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?"
8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for
"daddy where do babies come from"
"we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"
SHE's an upright lawyer who plays it by the book. HE's a carefree guitarist who plays it by ear. But they're both *record scratch* assholes
Replace the Ts in Tim Tebow's name with any other consonant to get a Star Wars character
there's a piece of meat in your chest thats constantly taking in and shooting out blood and sometimes it has special feelings about people
it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the guns taped to the dogs head *batman voice* Alfred look what I did to the dog
remember to tweet w/ the intent of losing your worst followers
Batman accidentally tweeting from his Bruce Wayne account
"Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"
"Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
*kid turns around to see incoming plane*
Obama sobs as he signs Theres No More Ice Cream Act. "Its really all gone?!" he cries. Biden winks to crowd as he sneaks up w/ giant sundae
*impales flutist* "must be flute poisoning" *bludgeons French horn player* "am I making u horny" *throws tuba player off cliff* "tu...bad."
reminder that one time we shoved whiskey and beef bouillon up a president's butt until he died http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/25/health/25garf.html?pagewanted=all … pic.twitter.com/JRkQYnIHio
if a baby boomer lectures you on college tuition it is ok to pour bedbugs down their chimney http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-08-15/cost-of-college-degree-in-u-s-soars-12-fold-chart-of-the-day.html … pic.twitter.com/HqZt1ZV5RC
"there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*
You say you kissed a girl?! Hot crackers, whatta scoop! Now *tips back hat w/ little sign that says "PRESS"* did you learn how they pee
"I OBJECT" "no, Counsel...you person." *emotional hug*
Wow you changed your makeup in 16 different hot ways. And where did you learn those 8 moves that drove me wild *sees Cosmo on the table* ah
A living American dog and internet sensation
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