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  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

    • 5,155
    • FAVS
    das_ryan_alex_mogermj_cIarkkyliebabyxoxJettBisqueJustSomeGingeNigelVenableSpaceTerrorists
    • 4,279
    • RETWEETS
    bigpatdogcdpdas_ryan_breadtin01NigelVenableSpaceTerroristsGarbageMysticBramptonBartmanVarnyham
    tnylgnjonnysunHome_Halfwaypudding_clubgoodpowerfultastefactorySlothCEOSamGrittnerstevesimasUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "daddy where do babies come from"
    "we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"

    • 4,723
    • FAVS
    Spaceman_Spiff1bryanjewellthe_kizzleradiciccoTheManOfSealCROWEbraStarshpmap_keeperjanellezed
    • 3,114
    • RETWEETS
    Spaceman_Spiff1warped_touristtylermcjunkin26jacobTisRadcrallowsjlm342tomkatsumifunondarun
    anjadrischvelcrofannypackHome_Halfway_Jim_FearearfdaeBeeStaplerUNTRESORnrrbtpoopiestjonnysunshruglordgrumpysalmonPajamaBen_AstonishingSod
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?"
    8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for

    • 4,471
    • FAVS
    JodySinclair_mould2knthompso_makjakTHE_REAL_PBUTTamyripleydirty_snowflakevideocrime
    • 3,096
    • RETWEETS
    turkatimdogstoevskyFlorescentYouthTHE_REAL_PBUTTvideocrimemf0x00mycoolaugustineSorrelSwing
    EenfidelDavidRaymondT__Mickey_McCauleySatansTonguebriangaartrash_sleeperGHOSTBONESPajamaBen_dankmtl
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    SHE's an upright lawyer who plays it by the book. HE's a carefree guitarist who plays it by ear. But they're both *record scratch* assholes

    • 4,539
    • FAVS
    rightbackriahArronskiLordbadtweetsnotjeffryanKuntzChuckJackTinironawomanskwarnederinimmediately
    • 2,132
    • RETWEETS
    rightbackriahsomehowalawyerstadistaKLorey18slimeszshpatschkeMgQ85willblay_
    SpaceCatZeroManda_like_wineAceMakesWordselectrolemon
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    there's a piece of meat in your chest thats constantly taking in and shooting out blood and sometimes it has special feelings about people

    • 2,959
    • FAVS
    BambieWodkinsmothrajovovichgabrielahoggmelissaartifexArronskiredheaded___shewillbloveddBoscoPorter
    • 2,575
    • RETWEETS
    KatyAnnGrubbymarlies_jansenmothrajovovichBoscoPortermothermaryovarysailorkristinaannadalb_melanievair
    pleatedjeansJasonLastnameSamGrittnerUNTRESOR
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I don't think I like where this coffee table is going pic.twitter.com/KIHzUVpoc4

    • 3,723
    • FAVS
    justinsideyou_BRVDLEYPBjoyjadinamyynoellebenonymousssRooneyntheBeastrawcowmilkallstatesax
    • 1,716
    • RETWEETS
    not_a_harpistAxealiaTheHeLLonCrocslastnamesirBasedTheGBrentforbrainsleandrojmppablosaraiva
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the guns taped to the dogs head *batman voice* Alfred look what I did to the dog

    • 3,082
    • FAVS
    SlewFootersGarbageMysticnotjeffryanmeh_kennaJackTinironjlm342click4amandaZbg333
    • 2,061
    • RETWEETS
    dogstoevskySlewFootersjlm342gaston_marianarthurwyatt2house2flyBarnacle_Bill24dunndunndunn
    BromanConsulRowdySailboatMickey_McCauleysunfilterjefftminstonjonnysuncrylenolbroccobamali_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Batman accidentally tweeting from his Bruce Wayne account

    • 2,709
    • FAVS
    AnaBananaCostaldotvictorArronskiPanDao_Expressbcona20tittygangsterJSuttenfieldGarbageMystic
    • 2,128
    • RETWEETS
    ldotvictorsquidneyreneeafifah_pipthatkelseyygirlNotShawnyHillIggySuarezTom_Briglianhzbh
    sisediSortaBadineedaballrub
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Obama sobs as he signs Theres No More Ice Cream Act. "Its really all gone?!" he cries. Biden winks to crowd as he sneaks up w/ giant sundae

    • 2,709
    • FAVS
    hannyboo_boohaunterdadwokrsJackTinironCharlie_SimonstomclaretMark_DubsMcFAR4TheCourse
    • 1,888
    • RETWEETS
    FrancisBaehaunterdadMark_Dubsphillyfan0417WesYee_bamgvntofly1021wotnowamman
    maxlavergneRowdySailboatshruglordFred_Deliciousoceanicfacebook__electrolemonWeedCoffin
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"
    "Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
    "Hey kid...catch"
    *kid turns around to see incoming plane*

    • 2,966
    • FAVS
    rosemoczulski1SlewFootersMrBikferdLizWithTheStuffludusaitaspIodedbrookssterrittSteelCityDawn
    • 1,437
    • RETWEETS
    SlewFooterswhatsanovenfavstar_historyETDWNgiventofly41cook_dog__plainskullSoul_James
    JennyPentlandRowdySailboatspitfirehussySlothCEODJ_PiddlesKyle_LippertTheDairylandDonUsedTurtleKKAlThaniSPSSSdungphenom________hottubpeepattymorudetanksplopadopthrillbo__________robfeebrownboyblueschuchugoogooJevenSteakobsonbrassiere_broAceMakesWordsWeedCoffinweird_hugs________
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    *impales flutist* "must be flute poisoning" *bludgeons French horn player* "am I making u horny" *throws tuba player off cliff* "tu...bad."

    • 2,863
    • FAVS
    theboynoodlewokrsDynamicDaeganS1imSHEAdyCapntasticJDGATXMeganNiquetteJenniferCheek
    • 1,504
    • RETWEETS
    theboynoodledogstoevskyDavosFreezeDanCollinMburgercometSpringaldJackoverclickedNullzone42
    Pizzerrificdammitbabies__BassoonJokestastefactoryweird_hugs________chrisjoonior
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Replace the Ts in Tim Tebow's name with any other consonant to get a Star Wars character

    • 2,336
    • FAVS
    GarbageMysticCoreyLaurinnrrdZachAlosaurusTrevHillThe_Rottmanr_mackey13Jordoergo
    • 1,975
    • RETWEETS
    tdub0420ZachAlosaurusTrevHillchalupsterNadir3886JamesRuiz_cheddarbiskitspange_bub
    FartButt11pattymoearfdae
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    hmm well I'd say I'm fiscally conservative but socially very liberal. the problems are bad but their causes...their causes are very good

    • 2,715
    • FAVS
    rockgaraCannonManGRagnell_william_dawamen2ramenSilasEganTalon_NouriMnWzrd
    • 1,520
    • RETWEETS
    SilasEganMnWzrdunironichipsterGroverDPVicas3dawnyohosiesaratoekingsidebae
    adamrenschLHGarrett
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*

    • 2,183
    • FAVS
    mj_cIarkKuntzChuckStephenRuhJackTinirondangerousdave__deathsquadbratbrookssterrittiouea_
    • 1,533
    • RETWEETS
    HanksinglexmattsciolaroxjimdankoginnaynayBowbrownhallnicksLetdownLizzieWakeAndJake609
    havingafatdaypantswearer_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "I OBJECT" "no, Counsel...you person." *emotional hug*

    • 2,408
    • FAVS
    svelte_wisevisuaIpoembenonymousssan_penguint54r4n1TomSmizzleofficialsavsTh3PezDispencer
    • 1,303
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historybenchy_vJackgaughan97rac2750aloadofhuplacoolgarydotnetTomSmizzleDrSlouch
    jwoodhamAceMakesWordsalien_sushiUsedTurtleLunarmayorBassoonJokesRClaytclynque
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Wow you changed your makeup in 16 different hot ways. And where did you learn those 8 moves that drove me wild *sees Cosmo on the table* ah

    • 2,186
    • FAVS
    JackTinironiwearaonesieILoveSailing123brookssterrittnicholeleosoggysoilgollymiss_hollyJosephNHolmes
    • 1,019
    • RETWEETS
    AprilEatsTacosjlm342iwearaonesiewhatsanoventomsdailyjokeWRThurstonFazio_Nfu_forthought
    Home_HalfwayAceMakesWordsAaronFullerton
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    "Sir did you know you were going 35 in a 25 mph zone" *rookie partner pukes*

    • 2,097
    • FAVS
    JaykubAnotjeffryanmeh_kennaTRO619brepreparedFakeGrantGavinHornakFinnbrookssterritt
    • 863
    • RETWEETS
    JTAcreeHuffmanForDaysskecr8rholf18The_Best_Jake4plainskullLuisCamacho_0ballinger
    briangaarneedlemenschilgrandechuckrobdelaney
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    I leave...my entire estate and fortune...to...to...*struggles to put on Borat wig and mustache*

    • 2,218
    • FAVS
    go4itrawdogrowsdower15crayzsnailcool_bugsdrjemmlesBHoch87SavyWatersoshuaj
    • 646
    • RETWEETS
    rowsdower15crayzsnailoshuajJdwinddhipsterbonerpuzzy_cutzVonster15GringoStarr12
    earfdaeJhonRulestastefactorypattymosunfilter_Jim_Fear
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    Shy construction crew just blushing and kicking at the ground every time a lady walks by

    • 2,020
    • FAVS
    SlewFootersJackTinironCoolishCoolidgejlm342gonzohostilitygaston_marianTheRealRHBiwearaonesie
    • 834
    • RETWEETS
    SlewFootersDanielKonikoffjlm342TheRealRHBiwearaonesiewhatsanovenLilyQuinn34ZachTynes
    refinagenilkearfdaeLostCatDog
  • crushingbort
      Horton @crushingbort

    You say you kissed a girl?! Hot crackers, whatta scoop! Now *tips back hat w/ little sign that says "PRESS"* did you learn how they pee

    • 2,116
    • FAVS
    Spaceman_Spiff1MurmuringMayaSlewFooterscdlKyle_underscorelikedadsaysAGremlinStormLonettoMB
    • 705
    • RETWEETS
    dogstoevskySlewFooterscalebpalmaVansantcwhatsanovenscottkirasCreatineAvengerTheBiggestNasty
    SamGrittnerdubstep4dadscrylenolwinnersusedrugs
@crushingbort

@crushingbort
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