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"daddy where do babies come from"
"we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"
Obama sobs as he signs Theres No More Ice Cream Act. "Its really all gone?!" he cries. Biden winks to crowd as he sneaks up w/ giant sundae
"Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?"
8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for
"Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"
"Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
*kid turns around to see incoming plane*
it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the guns taped to the dogs head *batman voice* Alfred look what I did to the dog
"I OBJECT" "no, Counsel...you person." *emotional hug*
"there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*
*impales flutist* "must be flute poisoning" *bludgeons French horn player* "am I making u horny" *throws tuba player off cliff* "tu...bad."
SHE's an upright lawyer who plays it by the book. HE's a carefree guitarist who plays it by ear. But they're both *record scratch* assholes
Batman accidentally tweeting from his Bruce Wayne account
*blocks kick from henchman* "nice try scumbag" *ducks kiss from girl* "not in this life bub" *hangs up on calling mom* "too slow dirtball"
hey girl did it hurt when u fell from heaven? got a vulnerable mortal form now? sacrifice dat immortality to be among man? well make it clap
SUPREME COURT RULES BIDENCARE UNCONSTITUTIONAL; "JUST A RED LOBSTER KIDS PLACEMAT WITH THE MAZES FILLED IN" SAYS NATION'S HIGHEST COURT
"Sir did you know you were going 35 in a 25 mph zone" *rookie partner pukes*
#RepublicanMovies Minority Deport
You say you kissed a girl?! Hot crackers, whatta scoop! Now *tips back hat w/ little sign that says "PRESS"* did you learn how they pee
"But Jesus I counted three sets of footprints."
Jesus' eyes narrowed as he drew his pistol. "Son of a bitch found us." #NaNoWriMoOpeners
sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much they decide to bring a tiny shitting bald man screaming into the world
obamacare BANNED all dog shampoo and now obama is in my home rubbing mud on my dog. he rubbing mud on my dog and laughing #ObamaIsntWorking
Freelance photographer for plus-sized cats clothing catalogue