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The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was pointing at food on my shirt and when I looked there wasn't any food and then he booped my nose
I think that heaven is if they tape a bunch of pillows to your body and you just roll around all crazy, just go for it and never stop
pretty cool how liquids evolve to turn the same shape as any wacky bucket you could put them in but no one knows why
would you rather have sloppy wet kisses from a dog or sloppy wet kisses from a different dog?
if people evolved from single-celled organisms then why are there still single-celled organisms and who made computers
It's funny that if someone tells you "I just ate a half-dozen Whoppers" they either said something super gross or they had six hamburgers
'there's only one cure so quick give it to me please/ I need 50cc's of that delicious Nacho Cheese' http://t.co/x3ZMWK5h
"This moment of silence is brought to you by Oreos" in a hulu voice, coming out of every speaker (including phones)
it's red he can smell it/ he's got a nose for it/ rouses from his slumber/ gets up and goes for it http://t.co/dSI6nRrZ
At the restaurant just keep ordering food + eat it until u die than u don't have 2 pay the bill #lifehacks
Photocopy your money then trade it with a dog for goods/services, he won't know it's b&w #lifehacks
.@miraclewhip is $25k enough for a funeral? I want to really honor her, she swallowed a lot of objects
mmph
