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"Mmm yes thank you I definitely know what to do with this" - when they hand me a hot towel on a plane
Half of Congress doesn't believe in science. That's always fun to see. Well, no need to worry because-- [washed away by tsunami]
I was thinking about how Satan tricks people by interpreting their wishes literally and suddenly realized that Satan is Amelia Bedelia.
I dress conservatively and part my hair severely, so yes, I'll visit your grandma and pretend to be her prom date who died in the war.
Your 90s nostalgia will not slow the reaper's scythe.
I don't tolerate friends who self-deprecate. I like you! Stop insulting my taste in people.
MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: Karaoke for gay bars but instead of songs it's Best Actress acceptance speeches
"But I forgot to thank that barista who smiled at me! I forgot to thank the birds in the trees!" - Anne Hathaway in handcuffs backstage
"I love women because I don't like women" - gay men
"I don't like women because I love women" - straight men
Amazing TED Talk from Jodie Foster
It's rude to look at your friends when you're out to dinner with your phone.
In the deafening silence after I finish live-tweeting an awards show, I understand why Judy took pills.
When Princess Diana died, Elton John was so sad that he Weird-Al-ed a song about another dead lady.
Writer for The Mindy Project. Equal parts Brian Boitano & Elaine Stritch. I'm young and I love to be young.
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