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Half of Congress doesn't believe in science. That's always fun to see. Well, no need to worry because-- [washed away by tsunami]
If we go under 50 Peter Pan adaptations per year, the bus will explode.
I was thinking about how Satan tricks people by interpreting their wishes literally and suddenly realized that Satan is Amelia Bedelia.
I dress conservatively and part my hair severely, so yes, I'll visit your grandma and pretend to be her prom date who died in the war.
Y Tu Mozart Tambien. Is that something?
Did you know Macklemore threw the first brick at Stonewall?
Your 90s nostalgia will not slow the reaper's scythe.
Jennifer Lawrence has received more Oscar nominations in her 20s than any black actress has received in a lifetime 😒
I don't tolerate friends who self-deprecate. I like you! Stop insulting my taste in people.
MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: Karaoke for gay bars but instead of songs it's Best Actress acceptance speeches
"But I forgot to thank that barista who smiled at me! I forgot to thank the birds in the trees!" - Anne Hathaway in handcuffs backstage
Sam Smith is 2 months older than Selena Gomez.
World's Greatest Detectives:
3) Miss Marple
2) Sherlock Holmes
1) Whitney Houston in "It's Not Right But It's Okay"
"I love women because I don't like women" - gay men
"I don't like women because I love women" - straight men
Writer for The Mindy Project. Equal parts Brian Boitano and Elaine Stritch. I'm young and I love to be young.
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