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Your 90s nostalgia will not slow the reaper's scythe.
"But I forgot to thank that barista who smiled at me! I forgot to thank the birds in the trees!" - Anne Hathaway in handcuffs backstage
Amazing TED Talk from Jodie Foster
I was thinking about how Satan tricks people by interpreting their wishes literally and suddenly realized that Satan is Amelia Bedelia.
Old man exhausted by world's fanciest game of make-believe.
It gets meilleur, Javert!
I understand Hamlet, because if my uncle murdered my father, I'd probably just make him watch my shitty one-act play about it.
I'm not big on conspiracy theories, but don't you think it's strange that there's been no new Banksy art since Whitney Houston died?
An important thing to remember about The Mary Tyler Moore Show is that Mary's wacky character trait is "wanting a career."
"But the person you marry has to be of the OPPOSITE sex" sounds like a rule from a bad board game.
At age 23, Monica Lewinsky was sexually involved with Bill Clinton. I'm 24 and I haven't even KISSED a sitting US President. :(
If two of your friends like Anne Hathaway, there's a good chance you're Anne Hathaway.
"If she didn't want to be eaten by a wolf, then why did she wear that little red riding hood?" - Geraldo reading to preschoolers
Where do I donate to win a chance to see "Magic Mike" with Mitt Romney?
Are you sure Hitler's the worst person ever? Because my friend Becky said she's "officially the worst" after eating three cupcakes.
Where do straight people keep all their trophies for "knowing someone was gay all along"?
Backs to a cliff, Waldo and Carmen Sandiego lock eyes. "At the Beginning" plays. "I know a place they'll never find us, Carm." They jump.
The most implausible thing about Spongebob Squarepants is that he's a homeowner with a minimum wage job.
Joe Biden unzips his face and he's Tom Hanks. Paul Ryan unzips and he's Meg Ryan. "I hoped it would be you," she says, tears in her eyes.