Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
More like Dr. When, amirite? #hesatimelord
Alcoholism is just realizing you can cure hangovers with alcohol.
Home is where the domestic violence is.
I was literally masturbating when I found out Osama Bin Laden was dead. So, that's a weird life moment.
I'm inventing an app called 420square. It's only used for checking in to Taco Bell.
The Rocketeer would have burned the fuck out of his legs right?
NERDS: How do I hack the twitter API to automatically add #nailedit to all of my tweets? #nailedit
For the record, Four Loko makes you feel like a thousand bucks. That you earned the hard way.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, is an unattainable location to be because rainbows develop relative to perspective.
Sometimes British comedy is like The Emperor's New Laugh Track.
Let's just let the robots take over so we can all drink on the beach.
If you Google my name you still get "is Chris Brown singel" so fuck you too, society.
In a future where cars can drive themselves, stunt drivers will just be terrified passengers. And NASCAR will still not be a sport.
I was Time's Person of the Year in 2006. I now work at Funny Or Die.