Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
More like Dr. When, amirite? #hesatimelord
Alcoholism is just realizing you can cure hangovers with alcohol.
Home is where the domestic violence is.
I was literally masturbating when I found out Osama Bin Laden was dead. So, that's a weird life moment.
I'm inventing an app called 420square. It's only used for checking in to Taco Bell.
"This is a great product... For me to GROUPON!" - Triumph, the sellout comic dog
"I just have a bag of snowman noses." - my girlfriend re: carrots.
The Rocketeer would have burned the fuck out of his legs right?
NERDS: How do I hack the twitter API to automatically add #nailedit to all of my tweets? #nailedit
For the record, Four Loko makes you feel like a thousand bucks. That you earned the hard way.
Home is where you play Batman in your underwear.
SC just called the bluff of all those people who said "we won't get married until our gay friends can."
I was Time's Person of the Year in 2006. I now work at Funny Or Die.