If at first you don't succeed, see what's on Netflix.

Hey @tacobell, I heard about the Waffle Taco. Clearly a pancake would be more foldable. Idiots.

Ugh, fine. RT @warrenbuffett @csingel I will give you a billion dollars to follow me.

I blame a lot of my anxiety on Chuckie Finster.

@iramadisonave this is why you and I are Friends. #puns

. @travishelwig pic.twitter.com/36luPO50Qu

Does this look infected? pic.twitter.com/vMQiOxgdqB

Just got audibly excited to have snot coming out of my other nostril.

@kirklarsen what if everything is incredible???

So for those playing along at home, Chris doesn't particularly care for @usairways nor #samsung (lolnotwitter?) #samsungdrama

I'm really into antidisestablishmentarianist pop punk.

"I'll be on my suit and TIE Fighter." - Jek Tono Porkins

Google now auto completes "LA" to  http://lacity-parking.org  so yeah I think I pay them enough. #thanksobama

THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO, OK.

@kevinvmead The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

When a man loves a woman, he wears her skin like a bodysuit.

Rt if you so drunk you tweeting with your left eye closed.

If I had a nickel for every time I didn't care about five cents I'd be way more financially responsible.

Hey what age was I supposed to start genuinely giving a shit?

I love boobs, and I love the internet, but if only there were some way to combine the two...