DYING. My mom got this auto-response from @mericanmccarver "You are trying to view American McCarver on a shitty browser. Won't work."

@jonwurster Courtesy of my father: "When you assume, you make an asshole out of yourself." Terrific.

This --> RT @mike_ftw: Do yourselves a favor and go see what @fart is doing. So good.

"Hey" Subway: if I want a pastrami sandwich, you better believe I'm not going to you for it...

I think it's indicative of my stress level that my only hockey-related tweet during regulation has been about Capuano's coif. #isles

Beautiful. RT @bcomptonnhl: Sweet Caroline blasting at Citi Field. #BostonStrong #Mets

RT @buzzfeed A message from New York to Boston projected on Brooklyn Academy of Music  http://Instagram.com/p/YJbQeygCFP  pic.twitter.com/Zgqf3du7sD

@mjy5280 I was so mentally unprepared for the madness of Fairway. Couldn't do it.

Salinger

Think I have enough #Irish bling? pic.twitter.com/Utup4hjDfh

It's a testament to how exhausted I am that I just found the Delta safety video friggin hilarious #Zzzzz

Witnessed 2 separate dudes peeing in two separate subway stations. #NYC, I do believe I'm ready to quit you for a week.

I see the #MTA is maintaining its typical standards of "excellence" this morning #6train #nyc pic.twitter.com/Ml4NQXnW9j

Have finally discovered the reason Vine exists, courtesy of @ieatanddrink (Jacy Catlin). Get involved.  http://vine.co/v/brVXDl6gIW0 

@inthefade His tiny brain probably had to work overtime to process that. Well done.

Harper's minor league sexy scouting report '04. I could listen to @robdelaney say WHISTLE forever  http://bit.ly/VWVsch  #bulldog

RT @speakofthedevs: I have a 2012 Podium rookie card.

Will take hockey pretty much wherever I can get it these days... #nyc #wollmanrink pic.twitter.com/eHKAPW2R

Fave binder tweet of the night... RT @wyshynski: "What was your name? Lorainne? Lorainna? Wait, let me get my binder ...

@thedayhascome Cheeeeeeeks. Congratulations!!