Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm not playing hard to get, I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't drink about you anymore.
In my defense, stupid decisions make awesome memories.
When I asked if you wanted breakfast in bed I meant pussy. I'm not fucking cooking.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people said you were.
A moment of silence for all the females who can't lick their own nipples.
Dont confuse being complex with being fucked up.
i watched my first porn film last night. wow, i looked so much younger back then.
The cat attacked my tampon string while I was getting dressed. I may need stitches.
Eat more bacon. Drink more beer. Have more sex.
you'll never be the man your mother is.
Behind every fucked up person, is a shitty ex that caused them to fall off the wagon and become a cynical drunken comedian.
So Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper pulled me up on stage and danced with me while dropping beats last night. Childhood fantasy- check.
This beautiful woman, whom has Alzheimer's is dancing with me in the kitchen to oldies. What we used to do when I was a kid. She remembers..
Just entered into a serious relationship. This time, with a flask of Crown.
I'm in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and 5.
7 years ago today, I married my ex-husband. Happy fucking anniversary, you stupid son of a bitch.
I'm not a pothead, I just kush a lot.
You truly don't get it do you? You poor motherfucker. You're going to miss everything cool and die angry.
You had me at "what is DTF?"
Excerpts from a cynic's thoughts, live from the Temple of Poon.