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Yes, I'm listeNO I'M NOT A BABY WEARING ONE OF THOSE CAB DRIVER HATS SMILED AND WAVED AT ME.
Very proud of my Critic's Choice Award nom. But I SINCERELY want Molly Shannon to win in my category. 'Cuz she crushed on ENLIGHTENED.
Not sure if I feel more like a truck rolled over me or like I WANT a truck to roll over me. Either way, it's awesome.
It must be so awkward when cops who work in the Canine Unit have to go home to their "real" dogs at night.
Hang on, let me put my earbuds in. Now, tell me about your day.
Comedian . @CollegeHumor . @Witstreamdotcom . Best Tweets of the Year by @HuffPostComedy