Go green and send wedding reminders via text. It's a quick, convenient way for everyone to remember to Dave-the-date!

RT if anything happened in your neighborhood you know exactly who would get interviewed and later auto-tuned.

I asked this girl who looked like Tracy Chapman if she had a fast car, and she had her security guards remove me from the premises.

I'm broke but it's a good broke.

.@andykindler With a soap sponsor. Are you a Dove man? @julieklausner

Weird what gets referred to as a pie. Meat and potato casseroles, pizza, the Pop-Tarts at McDonalds...

Try on @davakrause @evanjkessler
@joekellyjk47 @onehottweet @j2thajoy @home_halfway walk around in em, see how they feel. #FF

Follow Dame @julieklausner and listen to us have fun talking about dessert boundaries on #HowWasYourWeek #FF  http://bit.ly/16evrwg 

#FF “@andylassner: Abs are dumb”

It's weird how some people want to be orange.

@hodgman comin' up! *molds play-doh into patties. Hums*

At this point if you're awake you're no longer a shiftless insomniac but a hard-working family man. Steel cut oats?

Stadium names are too corporate now. Soon will be the musicians who play in them. "Ladies and gentlemen. The Taco Belles!"

@hodgman You should be careful. That's a tourist mating call.

.@hodgman Almost! 1.5hrs left. I'm running off the excitement of knowing you filmed a Talk Stoop today.

One word to describe how you're feeling at 4:14am EST  https://vine.co/v/bVmYqw2Qbj6 

Jealous people believe in your success more than you. Thank a hater today.

Survived the hot sauce roulette. Three more hours to go! #CHallnighter pic.twitter.com/bJvA4OqUCA

Trying to be a muse for the musically stellar @gregorybrothers pic.twitter.com/nCHouvnaAU

@grababroom Still up! 😜🔨❗👍