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Eleven eleven y'all
I like talking about how hungry I am, what I'm going to eat, how good my food is while I'm eating and poking my food baby when I'm done.
Someone in this ER has Mersa. Just overheard the nurses. Get me outta here!
Sometimes I get so mad at how slow my phone is that I want to destroy it with an obscene amount of violence.
"Know what I could really go for?" "Breakfast. Blow job. Anal sex?" ... "A Yoo Hoo."
My phone just auto corrected the word boyfriend to "annoy friend" - way to hit the nail square on the head
Even though they get in the way and I hate them, my boobs are awesome.
Is that dude with the fake dead girlfriend playing in this game?
"My boyfriend's like a trampoline. … I don't have a trampoline."
Hey guys, remember when I said I didn't know whether to vomit or poop or cry? Well, I just got my period sooooo that clears that up.
WHEN IS VOTING OVER? TODAY HAS BEEN AWFUL. VOTERS, YOU HAVE RUINED THE INTERNET.
The friend I'm with wont let me dance like Axel Rose even though Paradise City is playing. My dreams are CRUSHED.