Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me.
Me, to my wife.
Under my breath.
In another room.
While doing what she told me.
I hate irony.
But not Iron Man.
Why the hell would I want to humiliate myself in front of two women?
Twitter: Where the broken come to mend each other.
Son just sat next to me, laid his head on my shoulder and said, "We're best friends, Dad".
Wife just asked if she looked ok in her new pants. She did.
But I paused.
Please send an ambulance…
Twitter has taught me that good people are everywhere.
It has also taught me that Canadians are fucking awesome.
Keep that shit up, eh.
I think we need to remember that we are all just people.
Except the ones I don’t like.
Women are simply incredible, magnificent, alluring creatures.
Why they're all not lesbians is beyond me.
You make me smile
You make me think
You make me laugh
You make me live
You make me want
You make me need
You make me love
You make me.
Serious moment: holding my baby daughter and watching her sleep in my arms. The world may be fucked, but right now, mine couldn't be better.
You know when you just click with someone?
Is going to the toilet solely to masturbate called a number 3?
C’mere and let me give you a fug.
It’s like a hug but I slip my dick in.
I'm on Twitter, laughing and having fun.
Wife's on Facebook, bitching about everyone and everything.
All these labels that you give yourself are meaningless when you give me your heart.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the Twitterverse that I forget my manners.
Thank you. This is fun.
Formula for pain? Cold night, hard floors, bare feet and one small, seemingly insignificant Lego piece.
Sometimes people need you.
Why do I love Twitter.
Because any time of the day or night there’s someone there to laugh with, cry with or suggest some anal and bacon.
@msnadinelt, @lipsaahoy and @lady_kanga took my TL/RL virginity last night. And this morning I can't sit down... *inflates ring cushion*