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Now I feel a little guilty about kidding those drunken Brazilian loggers in the 70s about not being able to see the forest for the trees.
I think everyone is being a little hard on the interpretive dance guy from Mandela's memorial.
Eating boogers is a gateway to cannibalism.
I think I was a profound amnesia patient in my last life.
Truthful Tuesday - I shot a horse the other day because I believe she wanted me to help her die. A regular fucking Dr. Death Doolittle
Yes, I'm an asshole, but I like to think of myself as a recovering asshole.
Ever open a door in your mind that you couldn't close fast enough?
Just met a goodwill ambassador. I'll bet those poor bastard's embassies are all decorated with donated stuff.
Based on where I came from and where I am now as opposed to where I thought I was going, I may have been Columbus' navigator in a past life.
Told my redneck neighbor about some cool Koi fish I'd seen. He said coy sheep were pretty exciting too.
You've lived in redneckland too long when it's not the first time you've seen Slim Jims used in place of candles on a kid's birthday cake.
I've done so much bad shit that when something negative happens I just figure I'm a little closer to squaring up my cosmic account.
As Bill, the box 'bo told me, 'We all live and we all die. If I'm still alive when you die, I'd really like to have your Swiss Army knife.'
Love, the sole purpose of a soul's purpose.
Living up to people's expectations is hard work. Especially when you're nowhere near as crazy as they think. Grab the feet, ok?
It's a good bet that even some of the devil's lesser tricks are pretty impressive.
Sure, I have potential, but so does the dimmer switch in the dining room.
I don't prey on the weak or infirm in the herd. They taste terrible.