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I'm going to tell you about a Rat that came back to life, and I don't want to hear 'Act of God'.
I'd rather poke the bear than a woman. The bear will only tear you to pieces and eat you.
Apparently disdain for a particular person, place or thing is not always the correct retort, e.g., Fuck him/her, Fuck there, or...Fuck that!
Being a world class panty dropper isn't all that impressive if it's from missing when throwing them in the washer.
Yes, the lights are on, but don't worry about someone being home. Worry about which one of us will answer the door.
Always considered myself a compassionate, kind hearted person. For example, I've never buried anyone while they were still breathing.
The great thing about working with animals is being able to kill and eat the troublemakers. Wonder if that's how cannibalism got started?
"It is what it is" How very deep and philosophical of you. You've changed my life with this incredibly profound thought. Asshole.
Kiss it and make it better is best if you get to watch.
I try not to judge anyone because I have a tendency to combine the whole judge/jury/executioner thing and I hate digging holes.
Your honor, I fired at something shuffling ominously behind the door. It could have easily been a zombie & not my ex wife playing solitaire.
MISTY. Someone DMed me and requested that I tweet Misty for them.
Describing a Rorschach blot by taking 45 minutes to lay out an intricate pastoral scene in the Grampian Hills has the therapist frowning.
You don't spit into the wind, you don't tug on Superman's cape and you don't turn your back on my ex. Explaining the scissors to the ER doc.
Witness? My ass! Fuckin' snitch! Cousin or not, toss that fuck in the wood chipper, bro. Sorry, I missed what you said. Jehovah's....who?
Went to a city for the first time in a year yesterday. I was ready for those crazy fucked up sons of bitches this time. Thanks guys.
Here in redneck land, there are two distinct and quite different meanings for animal husbandry.
New gang I got jumped into is pretty choosy about new members. *throws up Doppel gang sign.
Suspect my horse faked an illness this morning out of jealousy. I may have lived in the woods too long.
I have a new mission in my life. Sister Sara runs it and they serve the best potato soup on Fridays.