so Charlie Sheen has tigerblood? good for him. I have Magic Johnson blood.

i'm more fun than a negative pregnancy test

i can/can't believe i'm on myspace at 3am

I like sitting in the VIP rooms of bars because if makes me feel more at home(sitting on a couch drinking)

Here's a song. It's called "And I Am Telling You I Wanna Lick Your Pussy."

detroit mich i love u

Sara Ramirez singing "The Story" at The Grove in Los Angeles  http://youtu.be/b6325Ndfxtg 

No. This is why we can't have nice things. RT @jagthedj: OK, can we have hockey now? Please????

My insecurities could eat me alive LOLOL jk jk

Just saw a girl get a lawn mower stuck in a ditch which proves attractive females are only good for two things

SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY MID-30S FOLLOWERS THO THO

@ms_shazam serious q how many inappropriate jokes can I make with this  http://twitpic.com/cjm6jb 

does anyone have justin biebers phone number

@livvvgjonaj BUT I NEED CONSTANT VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT

does anyone have drakes phone number

Why did a porn bot just follow me? What did I say?

THIS. IS. WHAT. AWESOME LOOKS LIKE  http://logo.to/U01drp 

QUEEN CELINE

Obligatory election post

Was going thru pictures on my phone and realized I have a pic of @_iamcarrie's waist and @allthewaytonyc's boobs. No shame #0fucks