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  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    Finally something I would actually take your sick-ass advice on. Trendy cocktails this holiday season? (how to get girls at my party drunk?)

    • 22
    • FAVS
    chiekokaszubaca__mattablanteannabelsterettl__marguritefuster__jenifferpanagos__dalecalinnery____kemberlydelageR__garnettdarosBRu__
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    franciscakrumvi__
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    it's just a balloon filled with vinegar douchebag

    • 9
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeesPaloulasWife9to5Lifeiluvmuscles______matthewphilips9__HannahAnticsredpawn3
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    WhoCuppedMyCake__
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I'm so fucking rich that I toss the Q-tip into the trash right after I use it. After only one use!

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeescanadian_janeLisaFartedChefBoredRTsblueshellsd______talkinboozeballschwhat__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ChefBoredRTs
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    In the future, you won't want to look black and say "I should've ate more crackers"

    • 7
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeescanadian_janesiouxdonnemcoigligh______WyLdAnIcAHreAmngthDed33
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    WyLdAnIcAHreAmngthDed33
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    the new cleaning lady is awesome. She makes the whole house smell like pussy.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    OldGloryTeesPaloulasWifematthewphilips9__TequilaTearsjimmyfairplay____DontTellMommy____MurseBrianRNbwebster76
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I wouldn't say I'm fat, but I bought the protection plan on my new office chair from Staples.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    beckyiniowaDumbassadorboobillFilthyRichmondMothpeteLiquorface________1BigMickcynicanoldicus
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    My 'swagger' consists of stubbing my toe as I enter a room #vanilla

    • 7
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeesPaloulasWifeTequilaTearsjimmyfairplay____HreAmngthDed33WBKnoblock
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    WBKnoblock
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    stop hiding behind the panties you pussy

    • 7
    • FAVS
    OldGloryTeesCMFC99blueshellsd______cynicanoldicusstoke67StexcyJRecommends
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I'm so fucking rich that when my underwear is no longer "wearable" I just throw it away instead of cutting it into a hand towel for guests

    • 6
    • FAVS
    beckyiniowadrunkapotomus1BigMickChefBoredRTsdishinyourbellycynicanoldicus
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I have a confession. I robbed a bank two years ago and never got caught. I'm open to questions.

    btw, I still have the pen.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeesCMFC99cynicanoldicusmsmugler
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    minnierosegray
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    There're some really sexy scenes in Black Swan. ...like the times she threw up & when she ripped the skin off her finger - btw spoiler alert

    • 6
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeesPaloulasWifematthewphilips9__llvvzzFilthyRichmond
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I'm not absolutely positive, but an actual fuckwad probably smells even worse than I do.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    OldGloryTeesPaloulasWifeTequilaTearsjimmyfairplay____senderblock23thespacewad______
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    mother fuckers dig milfs

    • 6
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeesPaloulasWifematthewphilips9__jimmyfairplay____DontTellMommy____
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I've been playing with the Twitter for years but I think I finally found its g-spot

    • 6
    • FAVS
    dishinyourbellyOldGloryTeesPaloulasWifematthewphilips9__jimmyfairplay____poptartsat2AM____
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    why'd I get stuck next to this douche making baby talk to his kid and why would he bring a baby here?

    - guy at the next table probably

    • 5
    • FAVS
    beckyiniowaOldGloryTeesCMFC99dishinyourbellyLawbitch
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    If every guy who has an old photo of himself in women's clothes was forced to resign from their job, I'd be out of a job.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    OldGloryTeescanadian_janeTheNordicHammersiouxdonnemdishinyourbelly
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    Facebook is a tool.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    OldGloryTeesmatthewphilips9__TequilaTearsjimmyfairplay____FrankieTheAngel
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    I'm only 808 away from reaching 1000 followers. c'mon folks - tap me over the edge.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    beckyiniowamike_checker______girlweena
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MsFuckingMetal
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    The hacker who stole nude pics of Scarlet Johansson has been arrested. You know there'll be high fives in the holding cell tonight.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    beckyiniowadrunkapotomusomgwtfeverTXLexi____________
  • damcrack
      unknown @damcrack

    So you've got a vagina and I don't. Rub it in my face why don't ya?

    No really, why don't ya?

    • 4
    • FAVS
    beckyiniowaOldGloryTeesCMFC9912inch_vertical__
@damcrack

@damcrack

Frustrated comedy writer, copy writer, stand-up philosopher. This is the leak in my dam.