• G'Day!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your favs and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you fav, retweet, or follow someone.
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    My husband’s last fart was so epic, Peter Jackson split it into three parts.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    8bitN8__________dancyleahgirlBlurryBigfootPamelaCucuzzaSophiaRoeJamieBaywoodelleifiknowMahala_Sampson
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    dls_138bitN8__________cat_travisJu_lee_atjessicat500007MJHLuis_snakeAdamantibus
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    I'm so glad I haven't expelled a baby from my vagina.

    Because my cat is the best thing ever and my hoo-hah can still crack walnuts.

    • 175
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xRudiologylilly_walfordmarksthe_dzasamdmcCranberryPerson__yoyoha
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    Siahyrularedfoxcountrybeebeekiddo85foxycce__Chelleaphantlana_cashswiftys_girlmsliisa
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    Hell hath no fury like a woman whose husband is an idiot.

    • 170
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xGreeblehausbadkitty_markssamdmcCranberryPerson__jeremys_goodBDGarp
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    OutOfNothing______rekindled_mommybuttonsskolimavrindarvkmtanyasisodiajadymuffantipodal
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    I don't know why people think Lady Gaga is unattractive.

    He is very good-looking.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xbadkitty_samdmcCarmel_ColemanScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____DJMerraliciousSEAempire
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    TheAmandyieSugarShokawpzAngryHabsFankristyl71iskyITSMYKOLAvatar_unknown_48
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    If anger was diamonds, I'd be really sparkly. And rich. Filthy rich. Filthy sparkly rich.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xJessabelle2o7Greeblehausbadkitty_samdmcCranberryPerson__Indigo_WobblesMothpete
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    darkkatpouncingstarZshipplemurdell0717ItsNatstarhch828MalibuOnIcePlzglitteryblue
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    I'm trapped on a subway. It's getting dark.

    If I don't make it, tell my husband I wished he made more money.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xGreeblehausDistantTrainmarksCranberryPerson__Burke62jeremys_goodnormal_ppl
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    LunaticOnEdgewordwranglerGarlandGreyteacher3000MitchtheBfavstar1000favschristinacoppmeg_media
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    Chicago saw my husband dance.

    It's like looking directly at the sun.

    A really awkward sun.

    • 195
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xJessabelle2o7erinkorzenjeremys_goodCarmel_ColemanScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____jkrambles
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    One of the challenges of being a girl is how much harder it is to write your name in the snow.

    • 189
    • FAVS
    roadkill3xmarksDistantTrainMothpeteScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____cfishingnoahWG
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Sgt_Hulka
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    If I was stuck on a desert island, I'd want you with me.

    You look meaty.

    • 175
    • FAVS
    Greeblehausjeremys_goodCJRoberts_DMM____cfishingMABitesSamMugangaMela_DeTrainedHedonist
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    CarolThompsonMKk_fredSculptureGardenFavstar500Favsblondemondetammuzsfavstar1000favsjohn_jameson
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    Happy Birthday, America! You are the loud, full-figured, gun-toting big sister Canada always wanted.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    fashionrihabJessabelle2o7ScenicSouvenirsMrBigFistsCJRoberts_DMM____IngenieroDavidprettyunsureilumbgf
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    TaylerSometimesreallysuperneattoastmoderninternettubesbrokenstopsignMeganMurrayLittleSophiakelseypnw
    RexHuppke
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    Sometimes I wish I could be a better person. And sometimes I wish for laser eyes to fry my enemies.

    I'm complicated.

    • 172
    • FAVS
    DistantTrainMsBelejeremys_goodScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____CharredpotIngenieroDavidhibiscuspeony
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    My favorite fairytale princess is Snow White.

    The way she conned those dwarfs to into supporting her without sex... genius.

    • 170
    • FAVS
    thestarNKMsBeleDistantTrainjeremys_goodScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____IngenieroDavidprettyunsure
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    [Lights a cigarette. Inhales deeply.]

    Was it good for you, America?

    • 157
    • FAVS
    CJRoberts_DMM____Mela_Desammynitro________bitterrealistHisTigerLily______OhReallyRach______imemmazingPuckettSwagg__
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    doo_overineedcoffee5robotikate__Favstar500Favsglitterybluejcgreenfavstar1000favschas50
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    I burnt my mouth on a slice of pizza. But I got my revenge. It's poop now.

    • 142
    • FAVS
    ThaCanadianGirlBeardSpicePugnaciousJonespurr_ple_JGeilsLandtricia_aliasocean_screw3Sperry
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    minus010JohnHeath117qberteinsteinDrewKilaJasonLastnameAleOMGArifADSfavstar1000favs
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    I wish my husband looked at me the way he looks at food.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    Greeblehausmathcat345linanneblackrsmallbonesalutisaimlessaimersRelocatabletwilighteyes08
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    sandal59favstar1000favsnetsirkcomollijessicataybabay__PlumbingMommylogantannerMizeraBubbleTheRealJNibz
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    This was a can't-remember-if-I-put-on-deodorant-so-I-rub-my-fingers-under-my-armpits-and-sniff-them-but-my-coworkers-see-me kind of day.

    • 158
    • FAVS
    MsBelejeremys_goodScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____DJMerraliciousprettyunsureKelleyDupre______momwifewoman
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    God. It feels like I've been stuck in this marriage forever.

    Oops. Did I say "marriage"? I meant traffic.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    laney_maxwellDistantTrainjeremys_goodCMHorrocksCJRoberts_DMM____DJMerraliciousIngenieroDavidprettyunsure
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Jenn1ferJun1perFavstar500FavsdonnieprakosoTaylerSometimesfavstar1000favsAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    thedayhascome
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    My cat just bitchslapped me.

    I'm going to punish him with kisses on his widdle belly!

    Ow. Again.

    Bitch.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    Greeblehausjeremys_goodScenicSouvenirsCJRoberts_DMM____IngenieroDavidRousingSunshine__Mela_Delinanneblack
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    LittleBlueMonkenvdb027how_to_HoustonFavstar500Favsfavstar1000favsdmbarkMooiness
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    My husband called me unconventionally beautiful.

    I called him conventionally stupid.

    • 151
    • FAVS
    jeremys_goodCJRoberts_DMM____IngenieroDavidprettyunsureMela_DeSEAempiremathcat345HeadFullofRocks__
  • damselesque
      Beth @damselesque

    My husband said, "I love you". So I gave him a fist bump.

    Who says romance is dead?

    • 131
    • FAVS
    laney_maxwelljeremys_goodShaktiRockittScenicSouvenirs_ashleyluxeCJRoberts_DMM____JVoltagelomallama
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    YourFirstEnemyCharissa58favstar1000favsmegabettyTVduffellduffellFavstar500Favsmatinayhellaholla
@damselesque

@damselesque

Funny girl in a funny world