It's one of those not enough champagne in the universe kind of mornings #champagne

I'm Samantha, she's Charlotte, and you're the lady that sits at home and watches it.

Watching my cat from hell is just reaffirming my strange attraction to bald guys with weird facial hair.

Asked boyfriend to send me a pic of his new glasses, he sent a picture of them sitting on a table. Boys are so dumb.

well here is Adele's ex boyfriend @adelesexbf & his reasons why the relationship was so horrible

I wish when I spilled something it could be half as glamorous as the spills in paper towel commercials

Hey you guys look like you really want me to hum an out of tune rendition of the cantina song in Star Wars

if you are a thrill seeker you should take a ride on my mood swings. HahahahDONT TOUCH ME.

hello and welcome to my drunk tweet. #drnktwwttt1

why doesn't parkers have a slushie machine ? don't they know anything about my needs ? DO THEY EVEN CARE.

http://yfrog.com/gzqfjzp too awkward to function @anna_kareninaa

@_smalltreasures @twistedgamine @baii_leaf @bunny_abbott I don't even do my nails evaa my entourage name can be dirty souf

Animals are overrated

He just kept telling me how cute I look in my fur trimmed coat. I KNOW I look cute in it, I DON'T need him here for that. -Jackie Burkhart

Pretty tired of all the successful people in my life

Hold your breath everytime Hulu buffers if you wanna get really crazy

Finally getting close to that season where ordering iced coffee won't be as weird

Omg she thought I was on drugs because I'd lost so much weight she is so sweet!!

I love your eyebrows, lets call them frida and kahlo

Don't be dramatic, that's my thing. And if you take it away from me I will kill myself!