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I'm Samantha, she's Charlotte, and you're the lady that sits at home and watches it.
Watching my cat from hell is just reaffirming my strange attraction to bald guys with weird facial hair.
Asked boyfriend to send me a pic of his new glasses, he sent a picture of them sitting on a table. Boys are so dumb.
I wish when I spilled something it could be half as glamorous as the spills in paper towel commercials
Hey you guys look like you really want me to hum an out of tune rendition of the cantina song in Star Wars
if you are a thrill seeker you should take a ride on my mood swings. HahahahDONT TOUCH ME.
hello and welcome to my drunk tweet. #drnktwwttt1
why doesn't parkers have a slushie machine ? don't they know anything about my needs ? DO THEY EVEN CARE.
Animals are overrated
He just kept telling me how cute I look in my fur trimmed coat. I KNOW I look cute in it, I DON'T need him here for that. -Jackie Burkhart
Pretty tired of all the successful people in my life
Hold your breath everytime Hulu buffers if you wanna get really crazy
Finally getting close to that season where ordering iced coffee won't be as weird
Omg she thought I was on drugs because I'd lost so much weight she is so sweet!!
I love your eyebrows, lets call them frida and kahlo
Don't be dramatic, that's my thing. And if you take it away from me I will kill myself!