@danaynay's (deecee) most faved Tweets...
No, my underwear tag should be sticking out of the back of my jeans. My special needs counselor uses it to pull me out of traffic.
Watching the Real World girls make out with Playboy models. If I wasn't covered in Doritos, I'd swear I was looking in a mirror of my life.
I'd like to thank my parents for my $100,000 college education. Without this, I couldn't have played the word "TITTIES" in online Scrabble.
Never Febreeze last night's smoke out of your bra when running late. Explaining why you're lactating at brunch with the 'rents is awkward.
Knowing I'm facing due south while sitting on my toilet totally makes the iPhone 3GS upgrade charge worth it!
Thank God the telephone customer service rep can't see my cute shoes because this "I'll cut you, bitch" voice wouldn't be as successful.
Do your pot, your heroin. Fine. But mead? We all know that's the gateway drug to Renaissance Fair-going, and that, I simply cannot condone.
I am one "I'm pregnant" Facebook status update away from wearing condoms on my hands while checking my news feed. Better safe than sorry.
How the hell am I supposed to give a reason if there's no "I Don't Look Like The Model In It" box on the Victoria's Secret return slip?
Taking donations for gender reassignment surgery so the creators of Excel can truly suck my balls. DM me for details.
Hmm, 2 tweets about Twilight & Gossip Girl. If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom praying I get my period before the other girls in gym.
I forgot. How far does the pencil have to go into my ear to permanently impair the portion of my brain that houses Barenaked Ladies lyrics?
What? I was just celebrating your daring disregard of all bicycle traffic laws via an enthusiastic high five with my bumper.
Less caramel? NOT FUN!
Fewer nuts? NOT FUN!
Less nougat? NOT FUN!
NO, SNICKERS. THERE IS NOTHING FUN ABOUT YOUR "FUN SIZE" BARS.
Fewer nuts? NOT FUN!
Less nougat? NOT FUN!
NO, SNICKERS. THERE IS NOTHING FUN ABOUT YOUR "FUN SIZE" BARS.
I am drinking moonshine out of a mason jar at a NASCAR tailgate.
I AM DRINKING MOONSHINE OUT OF A MASON JAR AT A NASCAR TAILGATE.
I AM DRINKING MOONSHINE OUT OF A MASON JAR AT A NASCAR TAILGATE.
I'm not the girliest of girls, but ma'am I don't think me being able to chew your perfume is you doing it right.
Friend goes on vacation.
Friend tweets from hotel gym at 7 a.m.
Unfollow friend.
Add an extra layer of butter to morning donut.
Success!
Friend tweets from hotel gym at 7 a.m.
Unfollow friend.
Add an extra layer of butter to morning donut.
Success!
Babysitting a pug, and I'm head over heels in love with his snorts and bug eyes. This is what people with ugly kids feel like, right?
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