I was just told by my bff being called a cougar is just a polite way of saying filthy whore. Ummmm I accept that challenge. Hehe

Have u ever imagined throwing a lit match in someones lap after they farted to see if their fumes light on fire

The other day at Walmart I saw a girl with a tramp stamp that said exit only. The one day I leave my phone home

So there is a point in ur life when u just let go because that's all u can do. Hurts but I'm better off.

Would be rich if I got a dollar for each time I was told to stop being inappropriate.

I went to go cry earlier today and tears didn't come. I just laughed instead. I guess when ur heart no longer cares the emotion goes with it

My son is sick and i am a bad parent for taking care of him and calling in sick for work. What is wrong with that picture?

Im gonna starfuck a few of u effers then I am going to fall asleep at least for tonight with a beautiful girl in my arms. :-)

My spirit animal wants to maul a bitch. Bwhahaha

Is it wrong that I text the new girl who text his phone number that is now in my possession??? Bwhahahaha evil bitch in full effect

I'm not a hurt person in this. I basically am trying to give him perspective that what he did finally happened to him. BOOM mother fucker

Dumped my wine in a camelbak water bottle. Winning

Be still my throbbing pussy I'm in lust

http://t.co/KVxilur

My TL is helping me laugh instead of having anger management issues.

I want to jump through my phone and smack a hoe right now. let the anger begin

I hate these things called feelings. Make them stop. My eyes raining sucks too. WTF is wrong with me.

Have you ever envisioned the greatest homicide just to be startled from your day dream disappointed that it didn't happen?? that kinda day

I want to sleep but there is no way I am going to be able to get to sleep at the moment. my mind needs to stfu

Was told today I can't decide if you're a genius or lunatic... winning!!!!