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White people wearing "I CAN BREATHE" t-shirts? Thanks for being so stupid you don't realize you're inversely making THE EXACT SAME POINT.
The most stressful thing to me about Breaking Bad is the number of bald heads getting prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. #spf #besafe
Hobby Lobby website's got 50% off wicker products if you need a basket to drop off your unwanted baby somewhere.
IF YOU ARE A CAT OR DOG WITH CRISPY THINGS IN YOUR EYES LET ME GET THEM FOR YOU I LOVE YOU
It hasn't occurred to Geraldo that Trayvon Martin probably wouldn't have been shot if George Zimmerman's hand wasn't wearing a gun.
"Is the Internet arguing enough? Some experts say no. Still, others say 'You know who else said no? The Nazis, you piece of shit.'"
Imagine, if you can, a Rite Aid with its shit together.
Ted Cruz is a community theater Saul Goodman.
Two guys arguing in front of 7-11 and I want to chime in with "Sorry, Mouthful of Pizza, but Jumbo Jean Shorts is right."
The answer to "Payphones?! Who uses those anymore?!" is always poor people, you dick.
Romney not ready to concede? Don't worry. He'll change his position on that too.
Mubarak sees shadow; six more weeks of revolution.
If someone gives you guff for checking your texts, shush them by shouting THE BEACONS ARE LIT GONDOR CALLS FOR AID and bust out.
I'd delete my Facebook account, but there's some shaky marriages I'm keeping an eye on.
Is Facebook better than "What ever happened to that guy?"
If someone likes me, I assume something must be wrong with them. If a lot of people like me, now we're getting somewhere.
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