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The most stressful thing to me about Breaking Bad is the number of bald heads getting prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. #spf #besafe
It hasn't occurred to Geraldo that Trayvon Martin probably wouldn't have been shot if George Zimmerman's hand wasn't wearing a gun.
Two guys arguing in front of 7-11 and I want to chime in with "Sorry, Mouthful of Pizza, but Jumbo Jean Shorts is right."
Romney not ready to concede? Don't worry. He'll change his position on that too.
Mubarak sees shadow; six more weeks of revolution.
Is Facebook better than "What ever happened to that guy?"
If someone gives you guff for checking your texts, shush them by shouting THE BEACONS ARE LIT GONDOR CALLS FOR AID and bust out.
No big deal, Twitter, but periods and commas go inside the quotation marks and it's '80s not 80's, DVDs not DVD's. Keep up the good work!
If Kevorkian's death is ironic, then the only thing that has died is what words mean.
Helped an old lady cross the street. Then I took her face in my hands and said, "Earn this."
Years from now when they ask me what the Internet was like I'll say it was looking at Miley Cyrus photos whether you wanted to or not.
Just figured out this thing in my bath tub is a soap dish and not a "cocktail shelf."
Want a vacation where you have to fuck quietly and then talk to old people in the morning about lingonberries? Bed and Breakfast, son.
Eating tuna and the cat's face is all YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU KNOW I LOVE TUNA.
Disney/Pixar keeps pretending the Cars universe isn't a depopulated nightmarescape of unresolvable horrors.
Is there a Batman-free Internet for grownups?
Pay attention. This is also how Romney speaks to waiters. #debate
Chick-fil-A has tarnished the fried chicken industry's once-sterling reputation for never being bigoted, historically, in any way.
Hate callous tweets about the recently dead AND self-righteous scolding? AND tweets like the one I'm doing now? WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO HERE
If someone likes me, I assume something must be wrong with them. If a lot of people like me, now we're getting somewhere.