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No one wants to see you as a Peanuts character. Is this your first week on the Internet?
The most stressful thing to me about Breaking Bad is the number of bald heads getting prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. #spf #besafe
Hobby Lobby website's got 50% off wicker products if you need a basket to drop off your unwanted baby somewhere.
IF YOU ARE A CAT OR DOG WITH CRISPY THINGS IN YOUR EYES LET ME GET THEM FOR YOU I LOVE YOU
It hasn't occurred to Geraldo that Trayvon Martin probably wouldn't have been shot if George Zimmerman's hand wasn't wearing a gun.
"Is the Internet arguing enough? Some experts say no. Still, others say 'You know who else said no? The Nazis, you piece of shit.'"
Kissinger? Jesus, Hillary.
Imagine, if you can, a Rite Aid with its shit together.
Starting to think I should do more to support gun control than tweet about it.
Ted Cruz is a community theater Saul Goodman.
Two guys arguing in front of 7-11 and I want to chime in with "Sorry, Mouthful of Pizza, but Jumbo Jean Shorts is right."
The answer to "Payphones?! Who uses those anymore?!" is always poor people, you dick.
Romney not ready to concede? Don't worry. He'll change his position on that too.
If someone likes me, I assume something must be wrong with them. If a lot of people like me, now we're getting somewhere.
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