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'The US is like that awful kid who when the teacher leaves class decides to make a list of the bad kids and enforce punishments on his own'
You don't know total, soul crushing hopelessness until you've been stuck in the same candy crush level for three days.
Nothing hurts as much as the twenty minute wait candy crush puts me through for a new life.
Can I drop out now and just sit in the library watching TED talks forever?
I'm afraid my family has no cute picture of me to distribute to the public if I'm ever kidnapped.
I'd rather cut my own limbs off than listen to you talk about your work out.
The only reason we watch book-movie adaptations is to complain over every single way in which the movie is different from the book, right?
Guys I want a cat so bad and I don't even know who I am.
No guys, don't worry. I didn't just read chapters 1-4 only to find out my essay is over the introduction.
Is there anything that feels as good as closing a test review for good?
My life seems to revolve around bagels.
Let me know when someone even remotely relevant comes to perform at round up.
Nothing has 'happened' to these boys, they are experiencing justice because they are rapists who deserve to be punished. That's all.
Life has a way of welcoming you to reality by making you run after a bus.
Guys. We're riding to Padre with a wanted man. This trip just took a turn for the AWESOME.