@danjlc's (Jessi H) most faved Tweets...
Everything I know about defensive driving I learned from GTA San Andreas. Quick! Where's the closest Pay 'N' Spray?
Immersing self with daemons, parent and child processes, spawning, forking, and killing. Technology is so very naughty. #Neverfingerstalked
As a healthcare worker, huz gets the immunity vaccine against H1N1. Now plotting ways of secretly harvesting his blood and selling it.
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Oh boy! A Snickers bar in my laptop bag that my dogs haven't discovered first. How many PS2 thumb clicks does it take to burn 280 calories?
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Chased a neighborhood dog in the rain. Caught it. It got away. Caught it again. Dried it with towel. It got away. My 90's love life Déjà vu.
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If I'd have to pick what were-animal I want to be, I'd be a were-elephant. I mean, then I can totally slaughter the cast of Twilight.
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Stealthily like a ninja, I rinse out and carefully dry the razor that doesn't belong to me, quickly before I am discovered.
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"Mom, does it hurt to have a baby?" "How old do you have to be to watch a baby come out?" 9 yo asks. I laugh out loud and then cry inside.
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My perfect world? I'm CEO of group rescuing 3rd world citizens from unscrupulous employers. I'm kidding. In a perfect world, I have a harem.
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The bachelorette party girls and I are on a lookout for that hot guy wearing a fur loin cloth. And you say Renaissance Fairs are for nerds.
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Shouldn't have eaten all that food at Apple Buffet's. Instead of Princess Leia's slave outfit for Halloween, I'd have to wear Jabba's.
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Me: That's my friend Jeremy from college in my Facebook. He introduced me to Peanut Butter Cups. Hubby: "Is Peanut Butter Cups" a stripper?
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Sometimes, when I'm all alone in a hotel pool, I pretend to be Phoebe Cates and be all slow-motion-y. Yes, I have a lonely life.
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I was wrong when I said I can't keep anything alive. There's a fuzzy brown thing thriving in the fridge. I think I'll call it "Bob".
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Graphic violence, brutality, lust for vengeance mixed in with sheer euphoria and divine ecstasy. (Tom & Jerry) + (Ben & Jerry) = GOOD.
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