RT @jimmiebjr: Barack Obama called Sandra Fluke, but not the parents of the Border Patrol agent his administration killed.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU HAVE A SKELETON IN YOU?! SCARY SHIT

My favorite dinosaur hasn't been unearthed yet...

AUSTRALIANS AMIRITE GUYS?!

In the end we all use Twitter FOR SOME HIGHER PURPOSE RIGHT?! What is your purpose? Friends? Talking to people? (HOPEFULLY NOT FOLLOW COUNT)

I WISH I WAS A LOBSTER

EATING A HOAGIE IN BED IS MEGA SEXY RIGHT?!

YOU CANT SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR! YOU HIP HOP DANCE!

RT @ijasonalexander: This is my last day at 51. Suggestions? / Don't die.

WAIT AUSTRALIA IS A COUNTRY AND A CONTINENT?! ARE THEY ALSO A PLANET?!

THAT AKWARD MOMENT WHEN YOU GET ROCKED BY AMADEUS

MY BED IS A MEMORY FOAM YOUR BED IS A CARBOARD BOX ON THE FLOOR

Ganesh

BEST TIME TO BUY A BOAT? NEVER UNLESS YOU ARE A SAILOR

I ate some donuts today. I felt satisfied. Life is satisfying.

AM I A HOLOGRAM

IN THE YEAR 3029, HUMANITY IS A COMPUTER. ONE COMPUTER. WE ARE ALL DIGITAL. WE DON'T WANT TO BE IN MEAT SPACE. ITS CYBER OR BUST

REMEMBER IF YOU HATE LIKE ITS YOUR JOB YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. YOU HATE CASUALLY.

I don't get it. Why would you tell your superiors IF YOU SEE A CHILD BEING RAPED?! YOU FUCKING CALL THE COPS ASSHOLES

IF YOU DONT LIKE ME SINGING THE SONGS I CAN WHISTLE THEM FOR YOU TOO