If you've ever called Romney a first-class asshole, his spin doctor wants you to know he's more of a regular, everyman asshole. #BainCapital

@samwiseoccupies Thanks! I'm now seeking a Tim Curry-style corset—I know the event's body-positive but I still want to cinch some excess in.

But where will he be … Bradburied?

:'-) RT @omgfacts: Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift away from each other

Ha RT @bn2b: Just saw on Wikipedia that the guy who invented navigating a website with a keyboard also invented opening a door with a spoon.

Did you know the most commonly used "safe word" in BDSM is "Pikachu?" #LittleKnownFacts

! RT @kellyoxford: Just so everyone is aware: If your kid drowns in the pool you don't have to hide the body #CaseyAnthony #closingarguments

Take 2: John Kyl thought "Christian values" meant half-off day for priests at NAMBLA. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

"John" is not John Kyl's first name, he just picks up a lot of prostitutes. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

@boatse fashion and fame

OpenOffice wordfilters "Linux" to "Mayan Windows 2012." #ominousevents

#DearEx I'm glad we're back to being just brother and sister, the bunkbeds are less awkward this way.

@willotoons I think I'm only a year or two older than you, and you seriously are like an inspiration to me. Keep on keepin' on, lady!