If you give me cigarette, I will make sure you have 5 cigarettes next week~Madoff in prison

I've been silent tweeting for the last hour

First Hostess and now Barnes & Noble possibly bankrupt...if Twitter goes i won't have any guilty pleasures

Remember that table in high school where all the weird kids sat---we're all on twitter now

I am going to start hoarding canadian pennies just to mess with their plan

Twitter is like teamwork...when someone is off their game...someone else takes up the slack

Who do I have to compliment profusely around here to get a RT?

My dance moves are kinda like there are two ferrets loose in my pants and i'm trying to shake them out

Your tweet is very important, please stay on the internet and i will answer it within the next 20 billion nanoseconds

Most honest bumper sticker ever seen on big assed rig---Yes as a matter of fact I am overcompensating

Panties everywhere will be dropping when I drive by in my 72 gremlin

Haven't been around this many horny people since the waffle house get-together after the county tractor pull

I've never taken steroids...the skinny geeky look is what i'm going for

Porn actor...no way...I can't even pee in front of people

Leap day should be a national holiday since it doesn't exist most years

Maybe these pope jokes will just peter out

Some of you could tweet the phone book and get stars/retweets

Raise your hand if you're also a Nigerian gold dealer on the side

Just a hunch but i bet some of you have a slightly different profile on christian mingle

My new twitter crush interview process is going well but I'm still looking for the Wow factor...either that or boobs