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Uncle Ruslan is approaching the boat and removing his belt.
Facebook now lets you put a star on a select group of friends. JUST LIKE HITLER.
Your blood is red due to iron content. Iron can only be made in the nuclear core of a star. #marsroverlanding #fuckyeamars #slightlydrunk
The FBI is backing down as Uncle Ruslan kicks the boat and creates a perimeter of shame.
Uncle Ruslan is spitting into the boat. Now he is carving something in the side of the boat with a knife... it reads "S. S. LOSER."
My sympathies to the family of any celebrity who has died during the age of Twitter.
LA is what you'd expect. I saw a man in a full Chaplin costume sitting and weeping on Taco Bell's lawn. Just like in all the coloring books.
Beans, beans, the musical fruit. Their symphonic culture was annihilated in your stomach, acids stripping the flesh from their tiny hands.
Watchin the balls offa some DOWNTON ABBEY. Eroding class systems all up in this BITCH, Maggie Smith don't give a FUCK.
Never stop following your dreams, because one day your dreams will figure it out while trying to Direct Message you.
A lovely moment amidst the horrors in Oklahoma, a woman finds her lost dog during a TV interview (via my dad): http://news.sky.com/story/1093711/tornado-survivor-finds-dog-during-tv-interview …
The new Sim City sounds fascinatingly realistic. Especially the part where the whole world is tethered to a dead God.
If Romney had a daughter he'd A) be pro-women's rights B) Laura Palmer's dad on Twin Peaks. The latter kinda cancels out the former.
ex-Onion, writer, stand-up comic, obsessive introvert, spellsword You can purchase my full length comedy CD Tendrils of Ruin here: http://bit.ly/MFej9v