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  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Gift @daplusk Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 7,925
    • LIKES
    LossHome_kendallholmeshiimorganfavvvvhoetoriaateedessyykinsBrookeErhardtDp_LeftyHook_
    • 4,917
    • RETWEETS
    bdaniellew_JustintbolenTylerpalmer4ZachHall51alyssaaclinekatelynmfloresnevinckMmoy16
    Anon_imosityShutUpThatsWhoHomeProbablyCelebrityChezericonederfulthatUPSdudeCpin42SusanRinell
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.

    • 4,913
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerBlackJermsAnon_imosityKubismomMomOfTeenshitforbrains24LarsmahjoubYourComicMuse
    • 4,115
    • RETWEETS
    BlackJermsAnon_imosityKubismomMomOfTeenmanwith3buttockYourComicMuseJohnLyonTweetswitterings
    beefman138Moi_RaRacarlykenglazerboohoohoormfnordshwebby3TomSchallyCelebrityChezTheDailySchmuckladyfiredancerReverend_ScottMatt_The_1stlllvvvzzzbigmacherStellacopterloveletterbombslarisasaysIGotsSmartspartiallyproGhetto_TrophycurlycomedyUglyPrick________fullblowndavedoooiiiitthebombdottcomFunny2hipchkk
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Sleeping with your ex is like retweeting someone you unfollowed.

    • 2,076
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerAnon_imosityshitforbrains24_TulipeliquidthoughtKEfaizziygirliefailTonyCrisler17
    • 2,747
    • RETWEETS
    Anon_imosityshitforbrains24Was_I_invertedfaizziyAverageCornerscurlymalloyHanmaboogieTonyCrisler17
    ericonederfulli4mst3w4rtMollyERAgwatts77SaraESpivey
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Marriage is like friends with benefits without the benefits. Or the friends

    • 2,404
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerLovestained555BlackJermszelevkaAnon_imosityshitforbrains24sole18xstar_news__
    • 1,551
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewernewbegininningsdapluskBlackJermsAnon_imosityArru_04__imharshu_kstar_news__
    Was_I_inverteddxblarssonENG__QwertyJones3gerryhatricDarlainkyclemdytanGreyPath1__CherishMebigmacherPeteypops13payal_vjayneunchained____MouVanLeefluffysuse
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I'm so selfish I wear ribbed condoms inside out.

    • 2,337
    • LIKES
    bugbowlClaireFriscoStymieBrewerjaydelgrecoHodaADpiratequeenxoxAymanSamiiirMohamadWalaa_
    • 1,090
    • RETWEETS
    einembergfexMohamadWalaa_TheAdly5haelXtians101OrignalceQueenAnon_imosityshitforbrains24
    jake_likes_napsnigelgodwin_jennjennNotJustJack______ImKevinito________mugkipNotDeakins_BKL_____________iwearpajamas______
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them.

    • 2,059
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerShoutingGoddesshmdhair__dankashane20shiftingpercep1Bripping_TallsAnon_imosityveronicaj119
    • 1,309
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewershiftingpercep1Bripping_TallsAnon_imositygopalakrishnan5deepalisharma17_Tulipefaizziy
    brennadineBruceForce
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    A man died today. He wasn't famous. He wasn't rich, but he was loved. I love you dad.

    • 2,296
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerAnon_imosity_TulipeThat_kids_dadfaizziyLittleJimmy61CorsairR2800petersc99053148
    • 952
    • RETWEETS
    faizziyCorsairR2800AverageCornerscharliedelta7HitsBelowBeltTasminKurienKateWhineHalls_cidambi
    MSN2BEkjataylorSaraESpiveydetroit_etpeachesanscreamZeRoyalBaumer____partiallyproGHCanada__________hipchkkMoistPorkJoeyPositivityimence2RichHarris2BabetteJonesBarebakAssassinskitzoetteporkrimsen________WittyClittytdhurst__llvvzz
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Studies have found that, on average, a man thinks about sex once every tits seconds.

    • 1,807
    • LIKES
    zakcureStymieBrewerChrisIsJokingRawanMoukalledjoantcoltonMomma_K27debon7squirrel74wkgn
    • 805
    • RETWEETS
    SatiristasStymieBrewerLimeylizziedebon7squirrel74wkgnAnon_imosityAverageCornersroxroberson
    theshantilly954LeenOGroperClevelandMothpete
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Ugly people have kids to prove they've had sex.

    • 1,525
    • LIKES
    TomFlynn4JohnKlimasscott_atlantaserant1977ChristinaHalkiameghangrace10SERENiTY_MyLOv3Raghvarma
    • 955
    • RETWEETS
    JohnKlimasscott_atlantaqwepodChristinaHalkiaAshCarpetkaatilanaTall_Dreamsnashareth1
    li4mst3w4rtSugarTittaysBillArrundaleJackieluvsUK
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Nothing worse than an idiot with a valid point

    • 1,277
    • LIKES
    AZHORSEMOM77rhizomelifesourgirICapitolKnockersStymieBrewerFelisarielnameonmybumTheBeerReaper
    • 913
    • RETWEETS
    AZHORSEMOM77rhizomelifeStymieBrewerImajicAnneWaterLilyDreamsShipInTheKnightyepslashnopeayceeeh
    lakeanagirljunejuly12kate_smithxxwriterPTbeefman138Darlainky
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Never trust a homeless person selling warm lemonade

    • 1,432
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerBripping_TallsAnon_imosityFuckabillyRexwngrider1960That_kids_dadFraggleRockL490TonyCrisler17
    • 745
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewerAnon_imosityFuckabillyRexwngrider1960AristocratsFilmmariolintonThat_kids_dadFraggleRockL490
    wesjohnson8__jamieramonemazizkhalifa
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    If Tom Hanks signature doesn't read as "THanks" he is an idiot.

    • 1,242
    • LIKES
    girishv11IsraeliAtheistStymieBrewer_NTFG_xosmalllllllliiemajkolettimrs_Bgardner
    • 758
    • RETWEETS
    JsalaheddinedapluskFFC_UFCgirishv11Gdabmechi179Nuttysmyt_NTFG_
    adamlucidiYouFuckingWon
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I called my nephew Shaun instead of Sean and he didn't even notice. Idiot.

    • 1,350
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerCatherineLMKBripping_TallsAnon_imosityWendyR38224819LittleJimmy61THE_DANlMALjustabloodygame
    • 626
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewerAnon_imosityWendyR38224819AverageCornersBallsToIt23dreamthievinTankCesarbeing_420
    mattZillaaaa
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    If your girlfriend asks you to role play 'doctors and nurses' in the bedroom, don't diagnose her with down-syndrome. Trust me on this.

    • 1,174
    • LIKES
    DadandBuriedChristo64255952ProudFFAalumniStymieBrewerAnon_imositycharrrllaaFormer_CIAeraaayne
    • 612
    • RETWEETS
    vancitybarbieProudFFAalumniAverageCornersthatboynolanViktorGorchevjellysickle42RoughlandHoneyBaaBaa
    FistyScent
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I look forward to the day when people will only know Cancer as a Zodiac sign

    • 1,138
    • LIKES
    ProudFFAalumniStymieBrewerCatherineLMKAnon_imosityPetotenarcisssisticFuckabillyRexKim_pulsive
    • 617
    • RETWEETS
    Anon_imositynarcisssisticFuckabillyRexmariolintonKim_pulsiveFraggleRockL490LorieGZAdyaces
    LackOfShametayandmae_jennjennKadayo_TakaminiBacon_Ball________GetCougarizedElifcelloletsdancebitchsxxprettymuchthejonjohnPurpleReyn
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Love is when there is no "wrong hole."

    • 984
    • LIKES
    Anon_imosityHanmaboogieLiterallyme420RoughlandStrawCanaryheyevergreenmariadishappysamnarafiq
    • 371
    • RETWEETS
    Anon_imosityWas_I_invertedHanmaboogiedreamthievinJoParkerBearfishy_smellsmonikaloreleitmoswole
    Bathing_in_Sin____
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I won't even look up from my phone until the 3rd date.

    • 753
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerAquaireOrghazelbuotAnnaCatAdorerMelodiMoonbsnc64OrignalceQueenAnon_imosity
    • 384
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBreweresamiGiAnnaCatAdorerbsnc64OrignalceQueenAnon_imosityodraregblackmorethanMI5
    daemonic3mattZillaaaa
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Statistically if driving a stake through the heart kills vampires, we're all vampires.

    • 636
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerAnon_imositySnezyFnocturnallymeheyevergreenmariadishappyLorieGZiwearaonesie
    • 374
    • RETWEETS
    Anon_imositynocturnallymeAverageCorners_ShawnPorterthestlouisanthearagornmkGoldenSpiralsBumpyRIde_
    blood_orphan
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Convince new friends into thinking you're a doctor by turning off taps with your elbows

    • 555
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerSDPlissken1thejodiestbsnc64OrignalceQueensharkey_BCFeatheredFreyjaAnon_imosity
    • 394
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewerFUNNAGANbsnc64OrignalceQueenFeatheredFreyjaAnon_imosityAverageCornersCVTBaby
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Today HR told me that I constantly misinterpret what people say as being sexual and I need to stop or I will be sacked

    She wants to fuck me

    • 697
    • LIKES
    StymieBrewerCatherineLMKOrignalceQueenAnon_imositycharrrllaaShaneGilmore4KattsDogmamisfarber
    • 230
    • RETWEETS
    OrignalceQueenAnon_imosityWas_I_invertedAverageCornersTheHyyyypeBook_Krazyalbey91910BeyondThe140
    KatieBurnettKLIM0VSKIIceIceBaeBae
@daplusk

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