Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
A man died today. He wasn't famous. He wasn't rich, but he was loved. I love you dad.
I'm so selfish I wear ribbed condoms inside out.
Sleeping with your ex is like retweeting someone you unfollowed.
Studies have found that, on average, a man thinks about sex once every tits seconds.
Marriage is like friends with benefits without the benefits. Or the friends
Never trust a homeless person selling warm lemonade
Ugly people have kids to prove they've had sex.
I look forward to the day when people will only know Cancer as a Zodiac sign
To all the doubters who said that I'd never be able to write a joke about Bukkake:
In your face!
Love is when there is no "wrong hole."
Foreplay is like eating with a formal dinner setting. You start from the outside and work your way in.
Had sex with a transvestite the other day.
She took it like a man.
Today HR told me that I constantly misinterpret what people say as being sexual and I need to stop or I will be sacked
She wants to fuck me
If life gives you lemons find someone who got vodka
If Tom Hanks signature doesn't read as "THanks" he is an idiot.
My wife is such a hypocrite. She tells me that my dick is "too small", but suddenly when it comes to anal it's "too big"
Sending a text is the most efficient way to say "I love you, just not enough to call."
I went on the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Tomorrow I will turn it on.
Kim Jong died because he had no Seoul