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  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Gift @daplusk Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 7,417
    • LIKES
    steveolivasfrvncienikkijarkimlockhartgaDickFurariMartial___jamhadarrSadekMerchant
    • 4,539
    • RETWEETS
    NaeemHoosainkimlockhartgaMartial___SadekMerchantRogueCreedkingjulian07VonnasAuraeemanyyy
    CelebrityChezericonederfulthatUPSdudeCpin42SusanRinell
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.

    • 4,862
    • LIKES
    D_SexbangxLiserxProcaffinatorAKcrazy18fryindBob_HellerSouthern_BellAFArtistMukund
    • 4,089
    • RETWEETS
    AynsleyAnnxLiserxAdingoyyaProcaffinatorfryindAl__KeroMartaEffingleminpledge
    beefman138Moi_RaRacarlykenGlazerBooHooHoormfnordshwebby3TomSchallyCelebrityChezTheDailySchmuckladyfiredancerReverend_ScottMatt_The_1stlllvvvzzzbigmacherStellacopterloveletterbombslarisasaysIGotsSmartspartiallyproGhetto_TrophycurlycomedyUglyPrick________fullblowndavedoooiiiitthebombdottcomFunny2hipchkk
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Marriage is like friends with benefits without the benefits. Or the friends

    • 2,365
    • LIKES
    Mr_AbbandandoImjackafDaniellePoirie6kayleighpugetSanbel11mariadishappySammyLikesBooks_The_Medusa_
    • 1,517
    • RETWEETS
    stain_lesxLiserxAdingoyyaProcaffinatorAbner__RiverathlsisaJoyxEJMegaMasterXxMr_Abbandando
    dxblarssonENG__QwertyJones3gerryhatricDarlainkyclemdytanGreyPath1__CherishMebigmacherPeteypops13payal_vjayneunchained____MouVanLeefluffysuse
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I'm so selfish I wear ribbed condoms inside out.

    • 2,301
    • LIKES
    F_ScottTaftevilchick87sinnersdayoutpuboskoneEzMr_AbbandandowjdWWEGFORCEphBlaccMosesS1Imjackaf
    • 1,072
    • RETWEETS
    carolinefitz84brittbritt8627ImjackafAl__KeroLimeylizziedevsmadden11SmokeEater1978derekbeach2320
    jake_likes_napsnigelgodwin_jennjennNotJustJack______ImKevinito________mugkipNotDeakins_BKL_____________iwearpajamas______
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    A man died today. He wasn't famous. He wasn't rich, but he was loved. I love you dad.

    • 2,216
    • LIKES
    F_ScottTaftcarolinefitz84puboskoneEzAKcrazy18rkj1000xJImjackafPereMassaAl__Kero
    • 937
    • RETWEETS
    PereMassaAl__KeroIamEveryDayPplTheDotMcQueenthebeckyardwithanewnameiwearaonesieTheBigBatman
    MSN2BEkjataylorSaraESpiveydetroit_etpeachesanscreamZeRoyalBaumer____partiallyproGHCanada__________hipchkkMoistPorkJoeyPositivityimence2RichHarris2BabetteJonesBarebakAssassinskitzoetteporkrimsen________WittyClittytdhurstllvvzz
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Sleeping with your ex is like retweeting someone you unfollowed.

    • 2,051
    • LIKES
    ktothewillxLiserxProcaffinatorKmAlbroRicetabsickleIEatChawalthelessisayDrunksWithGuns
    • 2,735
    • RETWEETS
    stain_lesxLiserxAdingoyyaProcaffinatorKmAlbroRicetabsickleDrunksWithGunshxxthens
    ericonederfulli4mst3w4rtMollyERAgwatts77SaraESpivey
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them.

    • 2,005
    • LIKES
    keyaushadupreedudus91Procaffinatorannabel_15F_ScottTaftddelosreyes2842TeaAndGoodTimesCopywrlteAddict
    • 1,273
    • RETWEETS
    AdingoyyaProcaffinatorTeaAndGoodTimesGodrineJuliusPereMassaAl__Kerojust1foolJaveriaE
    brennadineBruceForce
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Studies have found that, on average, a man thinks about sex once every tits seconds.

    • 1,768
    • LIKES
    evannoseyeHarelessRabbitscorpicpandaF_ScottTaftMikiSparkslqjImjackafAl__KeroSouthern_BellAF
    • 776
    • RETWEETS
    scorpicpandaDanny__Curry44platypode5PcGChowderwhoreYBDNBjukuZfPqtmonteerdVAl__KeroSouthern_BellAF
    theshantilly954LeenOGroperClevelandMothpete
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Ugly people have kids to prove they've had sex.

    • 1,460
    • LIKES
    Former_CIAJay1972JayEobardWilliamsGeorgesGoatFarmgrantgriesel666aisling_collroymbaabsashleyjosslyn
    • 899
    • RETWEETS
    stain_lesAynsleyAnnxLiserxEobardWilliamsamethyctbavinnyselshockedroymbaabs
    li4mst3w4rtSugarTittaysBillArrundaleJackieluvsUK
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Never trust a homeless person selling warm lemonade

    • 1,421
    • LIKES
    hayatHusainiStepheHawthorneStevenRocksOnepartlyfunnytahowell2ipalatsky1_mullysfayfayallday
    • 732
    • RETWEETS
    powhitekidpartlyfunnybarkingtreestahowell2ipalatskyseamussaidSherif1199SJRLM
    wesjohnson8jamieramonemazizkhalifa
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I called my nephew Shaun instead of Sean and he didn't even notice. Idiot.

    • 1,324
    • LIKES
    SashaCAiresseAaronBrynenHarelessRabbitscorpicpandasamgarolamariadishappyTornadoWatsonVioletMusing
    • 609
    • RETWEETS
    SashaCAiresseAnneClareIvyscorpicpandaTornadoWatsonChrisRaia95papa_bradyTaylor_Thelen7ShutUpThatsWho
    mattZillaaaa
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Nothing worse than an idiot with a valid point

    • 1,240
    • LIKES
    LorieGZXOSchitzoRobotThomasScobeyWanKenobicolinlovesfoodsLemonSharkMusicjaggedapezorgod
    • 886
    • RETWEETS
    FleshnChromeXOSchitzoRobotThomasBelleronoLemonSharkMusicjaggedapemrjohntofuGideonJagged
    lakeanagirljunejuly12kate_smithxxwriterPTbeefman138Darlainky
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    If Tom Hanks signature doesn't read as "THanks" he is an idiot.

    • 1,211
    • LIKES
    LorieGZMatteroffact80HoldawayIanMARVlN_GAYEfuzzlimeevannoseyeTheDotMcQueenPetresarbu
    • 729
    • RETWEETS
    danedkHoldawayIanTheDotMcQueenocatzbuckweiser13Strokesdogsthebeckyardwithanewname
    adamlucidiYouFuckingWon
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    If your girlfriend asks you to role play 'doctors and nurses' in the bedroom, don't diagnose her with down-syndrome. Trust me on this.

    • 1,153
    • LIKES
    HiddenPinkyBob_HellerNotoliviasteelnursingjobalertBeyondThe140luvmyADHDiwearaonesiejellysickle42
    • 601
    • RETWEETS
    MartaEffingBeyondThe140sherslutholmeslottiegwalkerDora_E11evenEndlesslySoberm0mjawncaseytduncan
    FistyScent
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I look forward to the day when people will only know Cancer as a Zodiac sign

    • 1,126
    • LIKES
    mariadishappyiwearaonesieAdyacesBreathe_ttdreamthievinmriamyBritXNicericonederful
    • 611
    • RETWEETS
    LorieGZAdyacesBreathe_ttmriamytheraddestmemeShriekingNoisestherealeatwoodpaulablu22
    LackOfShametayandmae_jennjennKadayo_TakaminiBacon_Ball________GetCougarizedElifcelloletsdancebitchsxxprettymuchthejonjohnPurpleReyn
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Love is when there is no "wrong hole."

    • 978
    • LIKES
    mariadishappysamnarafiqJoParkerBearthebeckyardiwearaonesiefishy_smellsmonikaloreleitmoswole
    • 367
    • RETWEETS
    JoParkerBearfishy_smellsmonikaloreleitmoswoleJDWRobinsonBadMonkeySayWatFloodyHippieIts_Miss_Riss
    Bathing_in_Sin____
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Foreplay is like eating with a formal dinner setting. You start from the outside and work your way in.

    • 729
    • LIKES
    jojoforfunthatguyricklopsterflopsterericonederful1confuciousKatieBurnettacpismeMindless4Miles
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    blaray__thatguyrickTwoSapphiresBlu1confuciousphobos8Mindless4Milespaulablu22fadzlisamsudin
    kattcalls________
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    I won't even look up from my phone until the 3rd date.

    • 724
    • LIKES
    AaronBrynenscorpicpandaSuedeLipsFFC_UFCemilylimeallwaysfunkySteveClarkStoryTunicBumflek
    • 373
    • RETWEETS
    scorpicpandaSuedeLipsallwaysfunkySteveClarkStorygogomaddySuperTangoMaMikeamoBareChesty
    daemonic3mattZillaaaa
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Today HR told me that I constantly misinterpret what people say as being sexual and I need to stop or I will be sacked

    She wants to fuck me

    • 687
    • LIKES
    Book_Krazyfire2sweetDrawingButtsmike_romanageStarSpaceDrivepunmagnateBeyondThe140SvengaliLuddite
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    Book_Krazyalbey91910BeyondThe140thatnicgirlGoldenSpiralsTwoSapphiresBlugildermikeProudFFAalumni
    KatieBurnettKLIM0VSKIIceIceBaeBae
  • daplusk
      (((dak))) @daplusk

    Statistically if driving a stake through the heart kills vampires, we're all vampires.

    • 633
    • LIKES
    mariadishappyLorieGZiwearaonesieVerbsRProudestnataliemac__KentWGrahamCpt0bvious_laurrlor
    • 371
    • RETWEETS
    _ShawnPorterthestlouisanthearagornmkGoldenSpiralsBumpyRIde_Iremsu_kulUchiha_Chukafaridafeisal
    blood_orphan

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