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I love it when people use "LMBO," because they don't want to use the letter "A" in mixed company.
I'm not watching, but has Julie Andrews barged on the set yet?
Boss set out a bowl of hard candy in the break room, so I guess we had our Christmas party today.
When does Carrie Underwood sing that Spoonful of Sugar song?
Amazed at how many people are tweeting about this Sound of Music series finale, when I never heard of the show before tonight.
No one wants to publish my erratic novel.
Trojan Condoms hire Samuel L Jackson to be their new spokesman
Teen Pregnancies decrease by 100%
"BABIES MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU WANT THEM?!"
hi, david cameron’s a dick, bye.
I think women with a sense of humor only exist on Twitter
I've been divorced for 4 years. You'd think my dog would be sick of peanut butter by now.
my spirit animal is a couch with a bunch of cigarette burns on it
Hey Glenn it's cold, can you turn on the heat." ~ Somebody that is about to make a mistake at the Frye Household....
California doesn't give a shit how cold the rest of the country is, we had to wear jackets today, so man the fuck up, east coast "winter."
If you catch a tiger by the tail, hollering or not, you're fucked.
My therapist called me a pussy.
sorry you're ugly, people who hate selfies
It's under 50 degrees in LA right now!
There's actual frost forming around our phoniness.
A commercial said Band-aids make great kids Christmas gifts. Doubt they'll help with the emotional wounds of getting bandaids for Christmas.
You could do a lot worse http://favstar.fm/users/darinlovesbacon