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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • causticbob
      Bob Kostic @causticbob

    What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

    A new surname.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    rudeman62Zimboy_RobLukeTheW4lk3rUh_Oooooogormlessgitdarinlovesbaconshiv_shahapurBiZzCitsBeMad18
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    garvinrebelloBShyamdevrupak_dhanuriyeguptas08AgentSaffronLordBrian3siddheshmehtaBlueMoor
  • FingDuck
      Fing Duck @FingDuck

    What I don't understand about these girls that do webcam shows is I've seen hotter Walmart cashiers.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    onascaleof1210darinlovesbacontherichhonky
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    onascaleof1210
  • calluptome
      Craving @calluptome

    Know that if you wear a lightweight summer scarf, you are an asshole.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    ElKnuckelhombrePinkBlotMomlitfirebirdMarkAFuqua_HuntCareEg33lemmywinklerdog_smellCopperminer92
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    PinkBlotMomspeknycIamEveryDayPplfacciabellaFeelFreetuRTnewstart43PhantomHandJobAvatar_unknown_48
  • MetricButtload
      Varmint Cong @MetricButtload

    It helps when you don't care what anyone says about anything ever. I'm working on that. It's liberating.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    Stella1070SeagreenWenchWojciehowiczKutchT1Sweet_Me_LissahiimlesDemocracyDamedarinlovesbacon
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    WojciehowiczbeardiumBrentoreousSteveDinsmore2daseaNJFiorventoFormerlyFormer
  • JayUhOh
      jay @JayUhOh

    Crazy glue is made from schizophrenic horses

    • 13
    • FAVS
    robotrowboatJasonBerlindarinlovesbaconbiclops72jayonguitarAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    biclops72jayonguitarAvatar_unknown_48
  • Juicedballs
      Juice @Juicedballs

    A behind the scenes history of Wheel of Fortune

    [1985]
    PAT: wanna fuck?
    VANNA: naw, I'm good

    [2015]
    VANNA: wanna fuck
    PAT: naw, I'm good

    • 27
    • FAVS
    SebastianBraffMr_KapowskiTheAngryMailGuymeowtastic_lmikepuglisi28darinlovesbacongufawwIwriteforcats
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_KapowskiTheAngryMailGuymikepuglisi28JediGigiFloodyHippieTeeJayRush_chubbingtonSickayduh
  • AmishPornStar1
      AmishPornStar @AmishPornStar1

    Statistics show that you're more likely to discover your hooker was a transvestite than you are to be attacked by a shark.

    • 57
    • FAVS
    Habbibtisipsiphooray_mattZillaaaaCruisnKurtwilliamwantongorgeouscompanyJaywoo74jaynecomplains
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    Tonytabs44doreenwairamattZillaaaaCruisnKurtRhythms_n_BoozeJaywoo74rickolanternscott2ten
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    Things that are not what they're named:
    1) chicken fried steak
    2) Rocky mountain oyster
    3) my ex's manhood

    • 1
    • FAV
    darinlovesbacon
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    The deal is: if you can't remember a drunk call conversation at 3:00 in the morning, I get to make up facts to fuck with your mind.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbaconBarW38zolofighter
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    zolofighter
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't tweet yesterday because my back went out on me and I never realized how much of my back I put into tweeting.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    twist_tongueCompocolypseLorieGZSoulYodelerJessObsessMentalDV8kellyskellyVodkaTiem
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    schenscoVodkaTiemiMikosnycCbakerJaneSunshineJarbolymattZillaaaamixedNUTgalleryKishanraghani
  • HeyZeus666
      Ham on Wry @HeyZeus666

    Why do you think girls named Angel always look too fat to fly?

    • 82
    • FAVS
    hirojesusstellah567amanuel187francypants78barfingbeautyHormonellaEllDavey__DarkerWillow
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    Dell_KedoreenwairandiquoteEllDavey__SuperJuanderergarrettbarry70mexinonblondeTw1tter_K1tten
  • HeyZeus666
      Ham on Wry @HeyZeus666

    My sleep number is insomnia.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    SerialFuckupMountainRaptortrena_xostellah567hook8669Gbo1992Iam_banksy21Nini9566
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    rdtennantGinaMFRhook8669Nini9566BeagirlNJfreebirdy31SouRgrapeS417GreeneyedMofo
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    What does it say when half my freezer door is used to store ice packs?

    • 1
    • FAV
    darinlovesbacon
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    Captain's log: Day 32, abstinence is starting to spread to the brain. Now everyone seems annoying.

    • 1
    • FAV
    darinlovesbacon
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    Please don't wake me tomorrow. Just let me naturally rise like a morning glory, but not in the morning.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbaconToBreakTheMind
  • stepho104
      Stephanie @stepho104

    The boyfriend and I are having quite the wild night discussing "lay" and "lie."

    • 14
    • FAVS
    protolaliaVanillaRoadsMableGertrudeMultitudes8DamonHunzekerDSLikesItalanboiizHatfieldAnne
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    protolaliaVanillaRoadsLordLouis3Multitudes8DamonHunzekerDSLikesItVestaTotAvatar_unknown_48
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    It's not a successful shopping trip unless everyone comes home with something they don't really need because it's on sale.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbaconTheReal_AndyMacAvatar_unknown_48
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    I'm on vacation. Even if God himself called me personally to ask me to call into His staff meeting today, I'd say no.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbaconjasonrthomas300TheReal_AndyMac
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    Just tried replaying the game on my laptop by touching the screen. I better stop drinking now.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbaconsquiggIelineTheReal_AndyMac
  • e21_2007
      Elisa v2.015 @e21_2007

    A great personality cancels out the need to have a hot body and good looks, right? Please say yes.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    darinlovesbaconangieissoforcemajeure40Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    forcemajeure40

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