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60's song, 60's song, abortion problems, 60's song, Hungry Eyes, 60's song, feathered 80's hair, 60's song, Time Of My Life
- Dirty Dancing
he said he no longer felt the spark between us. so i tasered him.
Sleep, the next best thing to naps.
Gave my wife a little show as I stepped out of the shower.
She walked out - probably because the excitement was too much to handle.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. That's why I've hired a policeman, construction worker, indian & a cowboy to raise my kids.
I think I'm part starfish because every time I get a haircut, it grows back. Also, my dad is a starfish
Eating babies is wrong. Just saying.
'I've decided to become a vegan!' - Vegans
'This tastes fantastic!' - Non-Vegans
If there was a restaurant named "Ham is Slippery", I'd be very intrigued.
Not to boast or anything but now that my pneumonia is gone. I gassed up the chainsaw and inhaled everything. It felt amazing!
Separated at birth 17 years ago, Carl was still haunted by the thoughts of where his umbilical cord ended up.
Don't go grocery shopping hungry. And don't go clothes shopping naked.
I don't have a PhD but I know that if you add bacon to it that makes it an antidepressant.
I'll never forget the time I put my phone in the wrong pocket
I realized today that I hadn't eaten pizza in over a week and I had take a minute to compose myself.
Looks like I'm the first to show up for your Superbowl party. I can sleep on the couch.
Truthful Thursday: When I go to the zoo with my kids, sometimes I'll secretly offer the monkeys $10 to throw their poop at them.
Are you gonna eat that? http://favstar.fm/users/darinlovesbacon
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