SPOILER ALERT . Ron weasley never gets his curse lifted . He is still ginger at the end of the movie

Guys only really have 2 emotions. Hungry and horny.so if I don't have a hard on make me a sandwich.

Smurf cum .Viagra's secret Ingredient

Twitter . Making freaky shit acceptable one tweet at a time

Life is definitely a bitch cause if it was a slut it would be easy

Watched Snow White with my kids again . I still think it could have used an 8th dwarf. - Humpy

The next lady that comes into my restaurant and asks if the muffin is soft and moist and doesn't flash me is getting a cake fork in the eye

I've stopped fighting my inner demons . Were on the same side now

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot.

I bet if I changed my name to krusty mcfucktoy and said I was a used dildo salesman I would have thousands of followers. Deviants rock

Just saw a balding fat dude wearing a tank top that says " real friends show me their boobs" . I'm guessing he has no real friends

I have taught myself to speed read . I finished lord of the rings in half an hour. Its about midgets with hairy feet.

Whenever the pastor says "lord without you we are but dust". My 6 year old daughter asks me what butt dust is

I have declared Jihad on the Noisy cricket in my bedroom .

I know I am loved when I come home from work to find two ice cold beers waiting for me .. Loving my wife soooo much right now

@charliesheen 358 tweets . 4 million followers . Me 358 tweets 148 followers . Anyone still believe wild sex and drugs are bad ?

Zombie clowns are dead funny

dolphins are so clever . after only a few days in captivity they can train humans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish

Time to try sleeping again .so much harder than just passing out

Nite peeps or as we say in africa "any noise in my garden results in gunshots "