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What Egypt needs right now is a tax break for the wealthy, which would create jobs.
Does the #NRA have a pamphlet on how to explain a mass shooting of kids to my 3 year old?
.@nra Did you guys pick your "Outrage of the week" yet? Because I have an idea for one.
You guys can be as mad as you want at Daniel Tosh but Dave from Storage Wars is still the worst human alive.
"Re-Booting" the Buffy franchise without Joss Whedon? Really Hollywood? Why not just throw your money into a flaming toilet?
What we need to do is kill a bank. All Americans pick a bank, then take their money out on the same day. Dead. And warn the others to behave
"I slid out of an upper middle class vagina, so I am allowed to live my great life and say awful things" - Republicans
You should be a professional storyteller. RT @kimkardashian: I'm listening to itunes on shuffle and a backstreet boys song came on
You can be mad at The Onion all you want - …but that tweet was brilliant satire of our culture. You hated... http://tmblr.co/ZbT3LteyjsMU
Hilarious example of how much Republicans are full of shit. When called on the truth, full panic. http://bit.ly/i4hFHs
Today the president of the United States had to say "rape is rape." That's where we are as a country.
"Some people think they are entitled to food." - Mitt Romney Glad someone finally had the balls to say it.
Wait until they find out it's a different Chechnyan living in a backyard boat. That's their "thing."
If an American Iranian group had placed those gun sights on a map, @sarahpalinusa would be calling them terrorists right now.
Just saw one scientist go in for a high five and the other scientist hugged him. Super awkward. Shut it down. Shut it all down.
It's time to put Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Rush on the terrorist watch list.
"Not since the Netflix disaster has America faced something as horrible as the new Facebook layout" - Obama 9/21/11
They shouldn't let the people watching Sheen walk out. Seal the doors and release the gas.
I'm a founder of the Los Angeles Podcast Festival. @lapodfest My podcast is @walkingtheroom. I'm a comedian in Los Angeles and a human.
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