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What Egypt needs right now is a tax break for the wealthy, which would create jobs.
You guys can be as mad as you want at Daniel Tosh but Dave from Storage Wars is still the worst human alive.
"I slid out of an upper middle class vagina, so I am allowed to live my great life and say awful things" - Republicans
BIG BIRD IS KILLING AMERICA WITH HIS HUGE FUCKING SALARY
Mass shootings stopped by armed civilians in the past 30 years: 0
If there is a sausage party, I fully expect there to be sausages on the grill when I walk in the fucking door.
"Re-Booting" the Buffy franchise without Joss Whedon? Really Hollywood? Why not just throw your money into a flaming toilet?
You are more likely to be bitten by Luis Suarez (1 in 2,000) than a shark (1 in 3,700,000)
Probably weird thing to say but Hitler would have loved this.
What we need to do is kill a bank. All Americans pick a bank, then take their money out on the same day. Dead. And warn the others to behave
Congrats to the moustached hipster who brought his cat on a leash into this coffee shop for being the biggest asshole alive
I’m going to go to McDonalds, order a 20 piece of chicken MdNuggets, then just stand at the counter and cry
Alec Baldwin is at home screaming at a tomato right now
There should be a “tried to” section on Netflix. “Because you tried to watch Derek"
Congrats to Texas, who greatly limited abortion but did nothing to change inspection laws when a fertilizer plant exploded leveling a town
Writer and actor on Maron. Purveyor of fine meats. I have a comedy album for sale here: http://goo.gl/SxWnpn
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