Just had a Mtn Dew and 2 chocolate chips cookies for lunch and now my feet are freezing and my hands are sweating. Is this good or bad?

Guys, If you catch her reading Cosmo, get ready for all kinds of questions and be sure you have work to do somewhere far away.

At my age you'd think I'd have learned what a couple bowls of spicy chili and beers would do to me. Didnt need church to talk 2 God this am

OH BOY! Just realized its Saturday; gotta shower, its the law in the south.

Only in the south can you find a half full spit bottle in the dept store. #rednecks

Dear Oreo: Serving size is how many I can pick up at one time, stop telling me 3, Mini Me's Tootsie Roll fingers can get 3. #OreosAreTheBest

Steve Jobs resigned?? Does he know how hard it is right now to get a job??

@boobsonablonde that was the sheriffs "k-Y" unit wondering why you aren't using your CVS bucks..

@harlanchilders Merica!

@noogscorner been working on my boxing and heard rhianna likes it rough, Thinkn I may have a chance with that one. No one knows about her..

@petmyweasel u could save a quarter and go to walmart or target where the desperate guys hang out.. #dontJudge

@aspersioncast he was built for the Pepsi V Coke war. Beyond that he could work the "feminine aisle" at douche bags R Us. #PosersSuck

Arguing with a drunk is one thing, arguing with a drunk idiot is impossible. Worst part is they dont remember what they were saying..

@toollover1 - genius. TY

Do teenagers Ever stop talking?? For the love of all that's good STFU, you aren't that interesting and you're stupid. #LoseTheTudeToo

I apologize to everyone who got spammed by some douchebag. I would ask you go to google and write the worst review ever for the product.Thnx

Sneezing with a stomach virus provided more excitement than I was looking for today. #allClear

my biggest issue with @obama, he hasn't made a national holiday for #bacon. This is a pressing issue and should be looked into immediately.

I just caught myself head bobbing to Nickleback; I have reached the lowest low. Is this the beginning of the end????

Great forgotten band @nineinchnails. Thanks to TK for the reunion