Just bought a goldfish, i think it might be epileptic, but if i leave it in the water it's fine!

Warning:some hugs may contain an unexplainable lump.

A friend just told me she spends 15 hours on facebook a week, i told her to get a life ! Join Twitter.

Aparently, 6 million Africans will DIE as a result of global warming. On a more SERIOUS note, some bastard's knocked the head off my snowman

Hand gestures nods and winks as a means of comunication are the real things that separate us from the animals, well, and fences i suppose.

It's a well known fact, when a women is mad her aim dramatically improves.

Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

I've just checked favstar and I'd like to thank all those people who gave me a star this week. Your both great

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. Zig'd when should have zag'd for example.

When someone says i stand corrected i always have to ask, orthopedic shoes ???

If Bill Gates is going to tweet the least he could do is say, windows 7 was my idea, and then apologise.

This isn't going to be easy but here goes....Ok MY NAME IS Davetube555 and i'm a twitterlolic, or tweetalolic whatever i'm not proud of it

Tuesday showed me her boobs, i have high hopes for you wednesday.

Succulent breasts juicy thights and my fingers in a greesy box, That's right i'm in KFC. UUUmmmm

Ok, so who sneaked in to my bedroom and carpeted the inside of my mouth last nite

Is it just me who thinks lady gaga is a neandertard version of madonna ?

Is begging for stars a thing yet ?

I brought sexy back once, turns out she was sleepy and in the morning she was dopey and grumpy, i wasn't happy

Your a cruel selfish lover, always coming to soon, i hate you Monday morning thats why i'm cheating on you

You might like to know I'm a bit of a wine Connoisseur, I look at the bottle and say, ooh ! 15 percent alcohol that's a good one.