Twitter cartoon episode 1 featuring @dannykilmartin. Cameo appearance by @adrian_murphy. pic.twitter.com/EJWyAWTK

I'd hate to be a racist. There's already enough things that annoy me every day without adding the existence of an entire race of people.

Never trust a Hawaiian. Pretty sure it was their idea to put pineapple on pizza.

So on February 18th, my friends in @evergreenire are having their EP launch and I'm going and so should you.

Fascists are completely right.

(Please get this.)

Yo people in the greater Dublin area, knock down to Fibber's at 7 tonight for a free gig! Playing with mah bois @adrian_murphy and @noooel_.

I'm sure being single does have its advantages, but the crippling loneliness/depression sort of balance things out lolz.

Haven't been retweeted in 3 days. I'm gonna kill a follower every hour until my demands are met.

Just out of the shower. Used Lynx shower gel. Been a couple of minutes. Still not covered in bitches. :(

I like to call my penis "Thor's Hammer", cos Chris Hemsworth can have it whenever he wants.

If I ask you what's up, and you say "the sky", I will make sure the next time you're asked, you'll say "the intensive care unit ceiling."

I live my life by one rule: treat others the way you'd like to be treated yourself. And that's why I don't consider it a rape, your honour.

.@barackobama Well lad, what's the craic? Any hash?

Facebook page for the new band! I'd appreciate it if ye'd go ahead and give it a like! Twitter page coming soon!  http://www.facebook.com/GladRats 

Fun fact: Star Wars Episode VII will feature a new army of clones, with each and every one played by Nicolas Cage.

Myself and my team cane first in a table quiz last night. So that was fun. #Bawse #LilDave

Last night's strato jump was:
1) One giant leap for a man, and
2) one hell of an advertising campaign for Red Bull.

From the sounds of gunshots and the word BITCH coming from downstairs, I can tell Ma is watching more Breaking Bad. #RaisingMyMotherRight

Lads who like that TrueLad stuff are really, really cool and DEFINITELY don't have any pent-up homosexuality issues.

Did you know you can get @robdelaney's standup special for ONLY €3.9127? Why would you be an ASSHOLE and not get it?! http://t.co/dKoldlwR