good gracious i had a nightmare that my head was a big peanut

A little ice house in your soul

@daxmancher shit son you even sniff my mandrakes you turn into a goddamn murderbaby you little bitch abort you #gadren

pic.twitter.com/BrSgqHuZl2

"the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit," Guy Fieri whispers as he submerges a brisket in BBQ sauce. "All my children are braised baptist"

sportsperson

spondees

avacados are just dinosaur eggs. true or false? i say true.

"OK let's see what's going on in Beantown, literally"- thing I said while checking beans on stove. I'm not sorry and I'd do it again

purchase this beautiful bird penus. what i was told this type ceramic bird ornament is called a penus. no one will buy my antique bird penus

spideriest

like spears through the hopeless so are the days of our lives

@chuckgrassley just write down the names of your favorite bands or draw pictures of skulls

Hot toddys with ginger make a lot of sense as a drink

and love thy neighbor for chrissakes

Seriously? My high school alumni mag uses Comic Sans for headers and Arial for body text?

I suppose I’ve always wanted to stage a coup.

spaetzle

surfs up. hail satan

sourpusses

Babydick durdleshirt