Apparently revealing you jerked off to Schindler's List is "crossing the line"

At Wal-Mart playing the "man or woman" guessing game...

By the look on my coworkers face I'm guessing my singing along to The Smiths w/ my ear buds in sounds a lot like a kitten being burned alive

Writing a Son of Sam inspired sit-com titled "Shit My Neighbor's Dog Says"

Monogamy would be much easier if I wasn't so adorable and witty.

If they send old horses to the glue factory do they also turn aged unicorns into glitter glue?

Too bad life doesn't come with a reset button.

The "N" word was your grandmother's safe word...

Fuck you Words with Friends, Ewok is to word...

You know what Swiper, just go ahead and fucking take it...

Yes, I've jerked off to a picture of 4 dudes but in my defense it was a Poison album cover from 1987 and I assumed they were chicks...

Curious to see my proctologist's reaction when he sees my "Mrs. John Travolta" temporary tramp stamp...4

Packing my penis with glitter like an old timey musket.... Boy will my girlfriend be surprised!

I prefer my cartoon characters four-fingered and pants less...

Gingers have tails... Right?

Another family reunion key party....

Menopause-When a baby fish stops and ponders its own existence...

I don't care if you spit, swallow, or store it in your cheeks like a chipmunk... Once it's out of me it's your problem.

Ok, I think I've got it, Kim Kardashian is pregnant with Manti Te'o's girlfriend...

OMG She's hot! (enlarges avi) Oh, nevermind...