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  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    The word "fuck" is uttered 508 times in 3 hours during "The Wolf of Wall Street" so save ten bucks by watching me assemble an Ikea bookshelf

    • 2,697
    • FAVS
    Cinder_Ell_hardestbutton3__LandrevilleRRPEmmaPankratzSC_BeauxFatuousFloozy__MmeLaCroozWhoopdeedoo22
    • 1,700
    • RETWEETS
    thetobbiertsMizzAbbasiFatuousFloozy__Pirate_jenn_StephenBCramerSeanicus4unepromenade__Swollrosita
    AngreahipchkkIGotsSmarts
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan - then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his pussy.

    • 605
    • FAVS
    MmeLaCroozBlondiethegoodg4barryMickeyAlfierithetobbiecaseyhatesboystalkinboozeballltacona
    • 365
    • RETWEETS
    philipjustice66ltaconacarlcaliente512StephenBCramerBenBroccoliSadAndDrunkthenoahkinseysoonerfan0370
    SquareKnighttissytassy13______brzandtpinapl
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    When life hands you lemons, DO NOT write another tweet about it.

    Just sit there quietly with your lemons, please.

    • 473
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerhipchkkGutterinthemindJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__thumbelinasays
    • 278
    • RETWEETS
    Kylabug27dangergirl7justinbbyBoobzillazcalluptomeAndLive2Lovebjkracing77angrypumpkins
    tissytassy13______SingleVickyjackmackenroth
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    I had sex with this girl who was really self-conscious about the size of her labia, but I didn't see what the big flap was all about

    • 506
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22Blondiethegoodslyoung5hipchkkTHEDUTHCHESScalluptomeangrypumpkinssebtalksalot
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    michaelsmadnessIamBlueSmithshkeeberwashere__SilverBadgerBigBec43Tin_Man09________abhorrent_wifeSigVicious50
    originaljackass__
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Calling a guy a chronic masturbator is a little harsh. I think "tugboat captain" has a much friendlier ring to it.

    • 444
    • FAVS
    MmeLaCroozWhoopdeedoo22BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerhipchkkJonJon_BrownAngreaSlaughtermelonJ
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    Astaroth_77LMHPhotogt_money08dreamthievincharleenrowlandMsLadyLuvBugThe_KJMMissRileyT
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Not to add insult to injury, but that broken leg makes you look fat.

    • 413
    • FAVS
    BlondiethegoodJack_TravellerhipchkkincognickotnylgnLaLongmanBJBennyBoomGray_Bland
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    incognickoLiamJLKnightIncognickiGothamNiteTomBanks1________nicfit75justisarah5SvennieNicole
    GiddythefuckupKali_Mura
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    99 bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down & pass it around. 98 bottles of room-temperature beer in your idiotic beer storage system.

    • 352
    • FAVS
    MmeLaCroozWhoopdeedoo22BlondiethegoodhipchkkJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__BrookeTuzilthefosterer
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    bsideyouintime0jimmythornRobWagner79tylerebyshooterShawnHuckabyscotsburnerLEAH_RIGHT_MEOWTchrist1
    GroperClevelandnicfit75
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    I was able to cut my electrical bill in half simply by using a pair of scissors!

    • 322
    • FAVS
    snarkybbWhoopdeedoo22cin_d_mayhippocroteezRobbyRob313BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerhipchkk
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    RobbyRob313platypusowner____StymieBrewerMurfADallanbyrneSillyGooseSarahedporrasmmmarilyn
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    I put the "cock" in "peacock". That's what they said at my bestiality trial, anyway.

    • 389
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______BlondiethegoodhipchkkTheDairylandDontnylgnmegan99389340CurranOnTheCobnicfit75
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    BlondiethegoodWesTheFatKid______Allie_Shreve7Pears19Adar79Angiekitzahphrenicnonster7tissytassy13______
    BlondiethegoodlollersCATEs______
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Why is the McRib only available at a certain time of year? I seriously doubt that pig dicks and sawdust are seasonal ingredients.

    • 282
    • FAVS
    Tinkerbell_BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerhipchkkrtyertyeryrtyry__ViIIagerethan_boxangrypumpkins
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    WesTheFatKid______ZackSohn_MikeRutcoskyHollyMemphisOmarJamesonLaurlaTMThomalenMark_Brooks
    jamieramoneiheartgunts
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Maybe she’s born with a freakish pigment mutation that stains her eyelid skin silver and blue. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

    • 261
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerhipchkkJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__angrypumpkinstnylgn
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    DougLawlessOoOAndie__PixyStrdustVonBrutal________Favstar250CindyBakesItqqnquiomgsummerilysm
    jeffporper
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    At least Kurt Cobain never had to see "Rape Me" performed on Glee.

    • 317
    • FAVS
    BlondiethegoodJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__XGroverXsebtalksalottnylgnLMills_bambino345
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    chloeroseleafYeah_right_sureVonBrutal________kayraiflyingvienpaigeofmylife____jimandrewsmusicBaxterbix
    tellallescort____
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Naming your daughter "Mildred" will preserve her chastity WAY longer than naming her "Chastity" will.

    • 305
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22Blondiethegoodrtyertyeryrtyry__AngreaHiK_Byeerin_doughSherpaWhaleMmeLaCrooz
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    cataillshambolicguruTheDairylandDonBigRod1966tonyjbyrneJnap21OrgasmicEarthg0l0b0lb0l
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    We’re about to have passionate sex but you shove the Beanie Babies off of my bed like they’re just objects??

    HERE’S CAB FARE BITCH, GET OUT

    • 242
    • FAVS
    BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerrtyertyeryrtyry__tnylgnVonBrutal________ammyboo13msbrintnHollyMemphis
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    HollyMemphisTHEKelseyWalkersock_puppette_____odlanyeRlakeanagirlnatboojayOhlavrac_________radtoria__________
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Taylor Swift seems like the kind of gal who gives hesitant, toothy blowjobs while making the “ewww” face.

    • 204
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerowlcache____tnylgnMistressOfOzSleeplessNTulsa__R2_F2
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    Brieaholland__BertiMaeAwesome_Dawierycky_kaykronosvcpragmatistictop_cat_89nicfit75
    WesTheFatKid______MrAdamBeztissytassy13______torrami
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Drinking a wine cooler because hey, it's 1988 SOMEWHERE.

    • 237
    • FAVS
    TweetingDadGuyBlondiethegoodStephenBCramerJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__Angreatissytassy13______tnylgn
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    Blondiethegoodcandicedardenjta1949PrakritiSocrateayyhluscurogue_dead_guyBigBec43JoeB_OandBP
    ezeddaly
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    I bet the guy whose job it is to pack fudge at the candy factory really pushed hard to get a different job title on his business card.

    • 231
    • FAVS
    Blondiethegoodrtyertyeryrtyry__AngreatnylgnJamesonN7MrPhuqVonBrutal________Firawesome
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    JamesonN7MrPhuqVonBrutal________schmuckonwheelsYourbaby_frvrnovember17Adar79AngieBigBec43
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Never understood the embarassment about a tampon run. All it says is that I've got pussy at home and I don't want blood on my car seats.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    BlondiethegoodJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__AngreatnylgnstupiddumbnicebelleofthemeleeMelWuv
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    MelWuvPixyStrdustrorygneesmithDoingHappyHourMrPhuqLoli_SugVonBrutal________Lord_JoJo
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    I wish my face had a screensaver that would come on to let people know that they’ve been talking to me for too long.

    • 154
    • FAVS
    BlondiethegoodStephenBCramerrtyertyeryrtyry__moodpeckerRoySayurFRANKSTALICIOUSsebtalksalotklehtawn
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    SPARKmarriageilaksmidYohanesPriatamaandreastwnmoodpeckerZhafirsyahhafidannyminanthiopikokip
    abhorrent_wifeAngrea
  • deKenstruction
      Ken't Even @deKenstruction

    Indie girl at the bar has purple hair in pigtails.

    Totally tempted to ask her if the carpet matches the grapes.

    • 207
    • FAVS
    BlondiethegoodJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__AngreatnylgnVonBrutal________TheDairylandDonkayrai
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    phaidon_raeCaptain_EyeballBigBec43kitzahphrenicmarceelizgarduibuchegoodbye__Lauren_Ipsum_sweetavenue1
@deKenstruction

@deKenstruction

Plus-sized Gymboree model. Over it.