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  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    The word "fuck" is uttered 508 times in 3 hours during "The Wolf of Wall Street" so save ten bucks by watching me assemble an Ikea bookshelf

    • 2,691
    • FAVS
    ArroiaHPtakesphotosConnerishDarkl1ght3rGenny_jellothemorris23dchaseokSistoJoe
    • 1,697
    • RETWEETS
    unepromenadeSwollrositaDonBrookes1brettmilanowskih_quantmycr8ivemindnaughtywriter2GinGander
    AngreahipchkkIGotsSmarts
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan - then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his pussy.

    • 593
    • FAVS
    shanetheveinitstotallyobviKingofHippiesBanan1BananasSadAndDrunkthenoahkinseysoonerfan0370spookymane
    • 361
    • RETWEETS
    BenBroccoliSadAndDrunkthenoahkinseysoonerfan0370JuceeRobTony_Tackettjenner1072BlairLoudly
    SquareKnighttissytassy13______brzandtpinapl
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    When life hands you lemons, DO NOT write another tweet about it.

    Just sit there quietly with your lemons, please.

    • 470
    • FAVS
    hipchkkGutterinthemindJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__thumbelinasaysTHEDUTHCHESShackiechanXGroverX
    • 278
    • RETWEETS
    Kylabug27dangergirl7justinbbyBoobzillazcalluptomeAndLive2Lovebjkracing77angrypumpkins
    tissytassy13______SingleVickyjackmackenroth
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    I had sex with this girl who was really self-conscious about the size of her labia, but I didn't see what the big flap was all about

    • 504
    • FAVS
    slyoung5hipchkkTHEDUTHCHESScalluptomeangrypumpkinssebtalksalotBlondAmbitionTOtnylgn
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    michaelsmadnessIamBlueSmithshkeeberSilverBadgerBigBec43Tin_Man09________abhorrent_wifeSigVicious50
    originaljackass__
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Calling a guy a chronic masturbator is a little harsh. I think "tugboat captain" has a much friendlier ring to it.

    • 440
    • FAVS
    hipchkkJonJon_BrownAngreaJackie_Jigsawbaisez_moi_svpflechetasticLMHPhotogdreamthievin
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    Astaroth_77LMHPhotogt_money08dreamthievincharleenrowlandMsLadyLuvBugThe_KJMMissRileyT
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Not to add insult to injury, but that broken leg makes you look fat.

    • 412
    • FAVS
    CardinalCGhipchkkincognickotnylgnLaLongmanBJBennyBoomGray_BlandVonBrutal________
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    incognickoLiamJLKnightAllThinksInTimeGothamNiteTomBanks1________nicfit75justisarah5SvennieNicole
    GiddythefuckupKali_Mura
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    99 bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down & pass it around. 98 bottles of room-temperature beer in your idiotic beer storage system.

    • 349
    • FAVS
    hipchkkJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__BrookeTuzilthefostererJesseMartelWillyB189RobWagner79
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    bsideyouintime0jimmythornRobWagner79tylerebyshooterShawnHuckabyscotsburnerLEAH_RIGHT_MEOWTchrist1
    GroperClevelandnicfit75
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    I was able to cut my electrical bill in half simply by using a pair of scissors!

    • 300
    • FAVS
    hipchkkJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__platypusowner____StymieBrewerNOLAuren504DylanMossmanimkatiecupcake
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    platypusowner____StymieBrewerMurfADallanbyrneSillyGooseSarahedporrasmmmarilyn_Kitsch_Bitsch
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    I put the "cock" in "peacock". That's what they said at my bestiality trial, anyway.

    • 387
    • FAVS
    hipchkkTheDairylandDontnylgnmegan99389340CurranOnTheCobnicfit75VonBrutal________AndLive2Love
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    WesTheFatKid______Allie_Shreve7Pears19Adar79Angiekitzahphrenicnonster7tissytassy13______leashalette
    lollersCATEs______
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Why is the McRib only available at a certain time of year? I seriously doubt that pig dicks and sawdust are seasonal ingredients.

    • 279
    • FAVS
    hipchkkrtyertyeryrtyry__ViIIagerethan_boxangrypumpkinstnylgnVonBrutal________AndLive2Love
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    WesTheFatKid______ZackSohn_MikeRutcoskyHollyMemphisOmarJamesonLaurlaTMThomalenMark_Brooks
    jamieramoneiheartgunts
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Maybe she’s born with a freakish pigment mutation that stains her eyelid skin silver and blue. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

    • 258
    • FAVS
    hipchkkJonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__angrypumpkinstnylgnnicfit75yazeuaxDougLawless
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    DougLawlessOoOAndiePixyStrdustVonBrutal________Favstar250CindyBakesItqqnquiomgsummerilysm
    jeffporper
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    At least Kurt Cobain never had to see "Rape Me" performed on Glee.

    • 316
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__XGroverXsebtalksalottnylgnLMills_bambino345DoingHappyHour
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    chloekittygurlYeah_right_sureVonBrutal________kayraiflyingvienpaigeofmylife____jimandrewsmusicBaxterbix
    tellallescort____
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Naming your daughter "Mildred" will preserve her chastity WAY longer than naming her "Chastity" will.

    • 303
    • FAVS
    rtyertyeryrtyry__AngreaHiK_Byeerin_doughSherpaWhaleMmeLaCroozalexhadzimaBetterOffJen
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    cataillshambolicguruTheDairylandDonBigRod1966tonyjbyrneJnap21OrgasmicEarthg0l0b0lb0l
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    We’re about to have passionate sex but you shove the Beanie Babies off of my bed like they’re just objects??

    HERE’S CAB FARE BITCH, GET OUT

    • 240
    • FAVS
    rtyertyeryrtyry__tnylgnVonBrutal________ammyboo13msbrintnHollyMemphisICountBeanssdearestrobbie____
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    HollyMemphisTHEKelseyWalkersock_puppette_____odlanyeRlakeanagirlnatboojayOhlavrac_______radtoria__________
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Taylor Swift seems like the kind of gal who gives hesitant, toothy blowjobs while making the “ewww” face.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    owlcache__tnylgnMistressOfOzSleeplessNTulsa__R2_F2MVernacatolarycky_kayfirstworldwoman
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    BrieahollandBertiMaeAwesome_Dawierycky_kaymafiaasopragmatistictop_cat_89nicfit75
    WesTheFatKid______MrAdamBeztissytassy13______torrami
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Drinking a wine cooler because hey, it's 1988 SOMEWHERE.

    • 234
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__Angreatissytassy13______tnylgnVonBrutal________TheDairylandDonatanenhaus
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    candicedardenjta1949PrakritiSocrateandreeahluscuken2hallBigBec43JoeB_OandBPSingleVicky
    ezeddaly
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    I bet the guy whose job it is to pack fudge at the candy factory really pushed hard to get a different job title on his business card.

    • 230
    • FAVS
    rtyertyeryrtyry__AngreatnylgnJamesonN7MrPhuqVonBrutal________Firawesometrogers93
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    JamesonN7MrPhuqVonBrutal________schmuckonwheelsYourbaby_frvrnovember17Adar79AngieBigBec43
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Never understood the embarassment about a tampon run. All it says is that I've got pussy at home and I don't want blood on my car seats.

    • 211
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__AngreatnylgnstupiddumbnicebelleofthemeleeMelWuvwire0523
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    MelWuvPixyStrdustrorygneesmithDoingHappyHourMrPhuqLoli_SugVonBrutal________Lord_JoJo
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    I wish my face had a screensaver that would come on to let people know that they’ve been talking to me for too long.

    • 152
    • FAVS
    rtyertyeryrtyry__moodpeckerRoySayurFRANKSTALICIOUSsebtalksalotklehtawnKatriynAnniLawyered
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    SPARKmarriageilaksmidYohanesPriatamaandreastwnmoodpeckerZhafirsyahhafidannyminanthiopikokip
    abhorrent_wifeAngrea
  • deKenstruction
      Ken @deKenstruction

    Indie girl at the bar has purple hair in pigtails.

    Totally tempted to ask her if the carpet matches the grapes.

    • 206
    • FAVS
    JonJon_Brownrtyertyeryrtyry__AngreatnylgnVonBrutal________TheDairylandDonkayraiAdar79Angie
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    phaidon_raeCaptain_EyeballBigBec43kitzahphrenicmarceelizgarduibuchegoodbye__Lauren_Ipsum_sweetavenue1
@deKenstruction

@deKenstruction

Plus-sized Gymboree model; 2013 Western Regional Spider Roll Eating Champ