Hey.... all you overly ambitious people. Calm the fuck down.

Grandpa could talk for hours 'bout killing hookers...

I follow a lot of really great people who don't follow me back, so if I ever go rogue I'm only stealing their tweets.

Kids are grown and off doing whatever. Nobody's got time for coloring anymore. Lil bastards! ......I really miss the coloring.

Dear NASA, I'm pretty sure fat astronauts are our best bet for surviving the three year journey to Mars. Think it over and get back to me.

Young people... Stop telling everyone what's wrong with the world. We know, we already know...

Stuck between getting old and being young.

Structured thought is overrated.

My life is getting in the way of my Twitter.

Reality show idea...seven castaways, seven separate islands. Just leave them there. Maybe come back in a year, maybe not. Fuck 'em!

WELL, SLAP ME SILLY AND CALL ME SHIR....*slap*...*slap slap*....*is that really what you wanted...Shirley?* *slap*

0 for 3 with my suicide-love pacts...

Me: Whose a sexy bitch? Me: i am Me: Who is? Me: I am! Me: I caaan't hear you. Me: I'M A SEXY BITCH! I'M A SEXY... *Friday night ritual

To all the tweet-tards who think you're special cause you've been doin this for two or more years and I'm just a newbie lowlife FUCK YOU!

Look at her...nice boobs, sad shoes.

Saw the new neighbors kids. You know the twins from "The Shining" right? Hope to Jesus I never hear them say, "come play with us."

Life was herb,smoke,booze. Then herb,smoke,booze,smoke,coke,smoke. Now its pills,smoke,booze,smoke,twitter,smoke,twitter,smoke,twitter,smoke

I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time....ssshh, don't tell anyone...gonna wing it.

Oh please yes, tell me all about how you love *insert politicians name here* and how they are sooo not like *the other retards name*

Once I explain that the cocksucker TOOK MY LAST PILL I'm sure the judge will dismiss all the charges...