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Feeling self-conscious is the worst because it combines two of my least favorite things: consciousness and myself.
When I see bands asking $6.66 for their album on bandcamp, I roll my eyes super hard while I type in my paypal password to buy their album.
I once owned a 3xl System of a Down shirt that I referred to as System of a Gown.
One of my coworkers asked why I am wearing only black today. It's like he's never even seen me work here every single other day.
I'm starting a website that is basically wiki leaks for coffee shop wifi passwords.
today when i opened spotify it was advertising a valentines playlist and suggesting i follow my ex girlfriend, so i uninstalled spotify.
Knuckle tats: "I'M TRYING"
Sending selfies to my bank with their mobile deposit app to see if they give me money for being handsome. This is how you be a model.
Sometimes babies make weird noises like they are lifting weights when they are just sitting there. Sometimes church sounds like a baby gym.
mormon boys objectifying women are the bad guys in the video game of my life.
its an old wive's tale that mountain dew is good.
ppl keep talking about the moon like i haven't already preformed numerous sacrifices beneath its crimson radiance.
"You call that a pipe? This is not a pipe!" - Crocodile Dada
Instead of "Cards Against Humanity," they really should have called it "Assholes to Assholes."
Art is so cool you guys. I hate a lot of stuff but art is totes cool with me.
I'm either chuggin' beers or shiftin' gears
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