Same shit, different dumbfuck.

When you get in your car to go vote today, remember that D goes forward and R goes backwards.

When I hear a commercial for the depression drug Abilify, I always think it sounds like a word George W Bush would have accidentally made up

No matter where you go, there will be no shortage of idiots.

He said Nuclear, not Nu-cu-ler! That's MY President!!! #sotu

Do you know why @snoopdogg carries an umbrella? Fo drizzle.

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit.

Romney will create jobs. If he's elected, you'll be digging in the coal mines of District Nine while your children fight in the Hunger Games

Dear Georgia & Gov. Deal: You are absolutely appalling. But I guess it's either lethal injection or hang Troy Davis from a tree, right?

I hope the new Monopoly cat piece knocks all the other pieces off the board & rolls around in the middle just like a real cat.

Republican Government: Big enough to stop a wedding between two consenting adults, small enough to fit in a uterus!

Joe Biden is like Sunshine in a Suit pic.twitter.com/Vl5rBcnF

Deja Poo: The feeling that you've heard this shit before.

I want a SLAP button instead of a POKE button

We need a debate system where the moderator is accompanied by a fact-checker who stands up everytime someone lies and goes "NOPE, TRY AGAIN"

Courtney Love is Lindsay Lohans new sober coach If taking a good look at Courtneys face doesnt scare Lindsay straight theres no hope for her

This just in: toddlers have taken to the streets in Florida, destroying cars, burning buildings, & tossing bricks at moms driving mini-vans

 http://twitpic.com/boz04w 

I wish Facebook had a "PUKE" button.

I don't know what's going on here, but for the record, I'm into it.