@wiki_balls2 Nick had a nice cavern, but after bunging it up with black clothes, suits and velvet, it was downgraded to a cave.

.@wiki_balls2 If you throw a massive clock into a black hole at the speed of light, Stephen Hawking's balls explode.

@cookdandbombd I unfollowed Rob Delaney because he kept saying 'butthole'.

Bullet In The Face: What in the name of all things heathen?? Like nothing I've seen on TV before. Brilliantly barmy nihilistic nonsense.

@nickyrats Things to see in Prague (from @thepoke) http://t.co/hdzMpWgH.

Anyone else have a pair of saggy red nipples on their elbows?

@wiki_balls2 The Ouija Board was invented in 1871 after enthusiasts found contacting the dead on ironing boards was just stupid.

@wiki_balls2 9 out of 10 americans believe the Sun is just a massive orange.

@wiki_balls2 Saying “I hope you don't get murdered tonight!” to a best friend increases their chances of dying by 79%.

@wiki_balls2 The nickname “Ally Pally” actually dates back to the original architect, Alfred Palfred.

@deathinvega I think your Jesus is a fake! http://t.co/AdY7Fus0

Great minds think "Great minds".

I really fancy some Japanese food. Miso horny.

Back in the early days of Le Gavroche all of the chefs were terrified of making a mistake. One Roux-barb and they'd crumble #rouxlegacy

"423!" *straightens up* *licks lips* *sly look* You bastard.

Fuck me, @herring1967! You have put up with a lot of shit over the last 2 days. All the best, sir.