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  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Dear unborn children who will inherit the earth long after I've gone. I just threw a small piece of paper in the non-recycling bin. My bad.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    BluruguDrunkSocialiteklodtbiggt1973The_MartiniGirl_Hanif_08sshep111NostradamAssHat
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    Readers84MrsCheshireLadyOtakkuOtakualfaisalnordin__AsgharFavstar500FavscalamityshayneDatFreckledBeta
    Hormonella
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    As someone who is OCD I find the idea of a parallel universe very appealing.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    BluruguDiscourtsilent_musingsshanetheveinklodtnikhimselfcrocodilejeersthe_anastasia
    the_anastasia
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    I just clicked on a website that appeared on the third page of a google search. They must have been so excited.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    shamanartistSilverBadgerMacaronMelhoopahoepEmjayMj25haelSilleVioiNyagah_
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    UmpteenHuesSilverBadgerMacaronMelunderthispebbleduriashraf5haelPandaCakingcraigmhishi
    Desperate_Loser
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    I love the snooze button!
    **9 minutes later**
    I love the snooze button!

    • 20
    • FAVS
    EsmeSaysnikhimselfdrh2gBeerhazellvvzzthe_anastasiaHeyitsLoriHormonella
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    craigmhishi
    Beerhaze
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Was feeling kind of half asleep scrolling through FB but then someone used three exclamation marks in a status and now I'm wide awake.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    scotthellrisingDONTJIMMYMEJULZDesperate_Loserslyoung55haelllvvzzMrsJekyllsHydestankloaf
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    NiharikaSahni88DivaDeviousyellosayshelloOrneryOnixYousefMansyMichaelEditsGeneAdu
    ColinACurtis
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Every time I go to the hairdressers and get my hair washed while lying back in the recliner, I feel like I'm being baptized.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    edbritonchrismisfitMayjeHonyx00_jennjennElephartfunnyguyOtisPdQ
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    ElepharthijackedjackRegularAssRickCroweJamFealFee4__________Iwantthe1Dinme____llvvzzlilybaba
    CroweJam
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Dogs can lick their balls and no one bats an eye lid but when I do it you're all like get the hell away from my dog?

    • 743
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtLightAFunCoolCorey_Rudd_Friday_XIIIMrsJekyllsHydejnblmnopGazelaTweetssocial_btrfly
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    thisisabbydarelMunyuPeterWardHarry95libdogeGhetto_TrophyRadioWecker1933LeighaChantrosePsychicStoner
    the_anastasiaFlirtyNikkaurbanprojectzllvvzzCarolEdie
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    I just scrolled down to the very bottom of my boss's email but couldn't find the unsubscribe button.

    • 104
    • FAVS
    ammyboo13ma_creme_brulee__HiHighHigherunassuminglymeenfantfavorimits_andersshaznxhachmama
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    yolk_a____________fullmoonmartinienfantfavorifavstar1000favshachmamaLizzy_WizzeysneelawkHardly_Me________
    slyoung5llvvzzz
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    I should never read tweets at work because I laugh out loud and everyone asks what’s funny and I have to say this excel spreadsheet.

    • 458
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtMystique1975bigmacheriNyagah_MilkshakeAnyone__TweetingDadGuyBambamVictoriasaladspork
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    GennaMattacaseforbooksBambamVictoriaLishivajake_likes_napsYogaduchesslanzajr26jumpdashark
    jake_likes_napsTitaniumToplassThatJennGraves
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    If you love someone set them free. Then send them a text message every hour letting them know you've set them free.

    • 604
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtbigmacherpangieevee_Friday_XIIIMrsJekyllsHydeiNyagah_snezanaleksicKause187
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    BreakingPoint1SheBeast4lyfStacieMcCloudDonnaFerguson24AnomaliameReynaKatBasmaholicEagle_Vision
    ddscrapCynicalJessFlirtyNikkachristinatheleebintimo
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    I love bumping into coworkers in the hallway and having a 2 minute discussion about what day of the week it is and how we feel about this.

    • 57
    • FAVS
    Dybbuk_Girldonanazy__________5haelsanxsantiagoNJOwhenislaterNotKarmaFredPollack
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    carolangeJBaird86Favstar500Favshaagendaz13MiliDave123uh_dcatelatteTan_taz
    Courtsindulgenc
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Don't forget to hold your breath between posting that status update and waiting for the first Like.

    • 53
    • FAVS
    toravelliMaiaMamacitadietredbullllvvzzFussySaffaslyoung5senderblock23Joshinator
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    saturnsallyFavstar500FavsLUSI_XIVPSilvaWorldchocolate_eyed____tyrantasorusAlya_AlMualla____naughtynaffit
    comedyfish
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Instagram is down. My dinner is going cold and no one will get to see how amazing it is with a vintage filter.

    • 111
    • FAVS
    MmeLaCroozfunnystalkjodirainesfarnazxxcameinciderFABULOUSANDMANIDanielsinmasNotKarma
    • 229
    • RETWEETS
    jodiraineskelly_ruff__AliaAznfavstar1000favschocolate_eyed____eldeadpoolioAllWrightyThenMatttayHeiss
    BDGarp
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    My recipe for a YUMMY dinner:
    • Grab all your vegetables from the fridge
    • Chop finely
    • Place all ingredients in the bin
    • Dial a pizza

    • 77
    • FAVS
    JoleenKayBeelvvzzmuseofhistoryFunnyNotFoundburgerkrangFallun_Angel__Discourtmikeym00n
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    bokuwahmzhaagendaz13DiscourtrajkomilicGolgoth071hermiowyn________zivaljevicbombersfan
    Elifcelloearfdae
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Change all your passwords to "incorrect" so if you ever forget your password, you'll get a reminder saying "your password is incorrect".

    • 133
    • FAVS
    EdBruderasoiree__________elisa212007DiscourttoravelliLeeBognersnickuousAlias1on1
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    asoiree__________elisa212007TomQsibojanbjelicBrianApanjamcocaroFundersFoundersitsLakshman
    gettingstabbed
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    My birth certificate was the first award I ever received for doing nothing.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    Ellani_Belleguna_clan________YearOfRatroddillitasguussssaraswisher______MissCodiPants____IsmailMaya
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    efasheefaa________Ludd_sherryzalembahbar_rackdangertoondiscopiggudonnah7MiliDave123
    Thedudish
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    Realistic tampon commercials would have the girlfriend yelling at the boyfriend while he looks confused and says "what did I do now?"

    • 130
    • FAVS
    elisa212007messicakes________benn_doverIDanielsinmasJessicaFancySnellWarrenredbreasticlesJeanieMacIsaac
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    nacouturedbreasticles5haelEsmeSaysamazingizYouMadeMeGrinwaxedblueponyJulieZieg
    shanethevein
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    It's a relief to call someone and get their voicemail.

    • 95
    • FAVS
    Neutrontrilogymessicakes________AlexatweeterbriangaarJessicaFancyBillMc7NotKarmaElephart
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    timzim1613UmpteenHuesNeroXaeroispypandabunnyhopper101ChiiraBahnzaichocolate_eyed____
    donni
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    I love catching up with friends that I haven't seen for a while so that we can all sit around together doing shit on our phones.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    rhodejoymessicakes________simphi22GeneAduCassidyVenable__EasyAsPieMmmPieCarmstasticLo_Berger
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    discopigguwMachii4thWednesdayadamgraphicsJeanetteLawren2haagendaz13lilybabaTheShteph
    tamytoo2
  • designersays
      designersays @designersays

    If you took your intestines and laid it out on the floor in a straight line to see how long it was, you would die.

    • 109
    • FAVS
    beckit8glamxoxosanxsantiagodietredbullNJOMrG_Ohipchkktinymattresses
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    UmpteenHueshaagendaz13beckit8snorkelberrydoubletruckerfavstar1000favsbuddsworthSadBearTears____
    mostlydelirious__
@designersays

@designersays

When coworkers piss me off, I start sending them very serious work-related emails with a blank subject line. Don't fuck with me.

Tweets from @designersays most recently awarded Tweet of the Day by Pro Members.