My meat curtains need dusting.

I always bring a kidney punch to a tickle fight.

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve®?

I was thinking there should be a class in stoner thoughts: mind-exploration, free exchange of ideas, and I then I fell asleep in my Cheetos.

Wow dude, you really are the sombrero of asshats.

I've done so many Kegel exercises my vagina can communicate in Morse Code.

Other non-lethal Batman villains: "The Yolker"- Eggs the Batmobile just to be a dick, and "Mr. Fridge"- Makes everything uncomfortably cold"

When I get mad at my co-workers, I bake them cupcakes full of hate instead of love.

I'm a vegetarian, but I swallow, which also makes me a cannibal. Yeah, it fucks with my head too.

This whole time I've been boycotting dq. Damn this dyslexia!

Pasta: I'm going to be all yummy & fill her belly. She'll never get drunk now!

Vodka: Damn you, carbs! You delicious, cockblocking bastard.

Damn, that was a lot of Monet to pay for a tank of Degas.

Polly wants a cracker. Polly is a racist asshole.

Charo puts the oochie in coochie.