RIP John Goodman

Having the name Dick Trickle would suck so bad

@benmarvin is not the internets Kanye West. He's more like the R. Kelley.

Just drove by this Mormon church and there was no bike rack. WTF?

Oh nothing, just standing at the corner of MLK Jr & S Caldwell looking for trix

I'm at Philosopher's Stone w/ @beccaomgz @yagermeister. http://4sq.com/5J6M4W

Dear Penis,

Thank you for not bleeding every month. Your the best.

Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt

How is it that I am number 8 on the upgrade to first class list. Do they not know who I think I am?

My back hurts way too bad to chew my toenails tonight.

My Dick ain't gonna suck itself.

Come to Butthead.

In the words of my 6 year old nephew. "I want to be a motor boat driver when I grow up"

Thinking about getting a life sized tattoo of Jake's right arm covering my left arm.

ALL OF MY TOWELS ARE PINK

Too bad about all the Morons

I boarded her ship, swashed her buckles, plundered her booty and made her walk my plank. SEXUALLY!

CHLOROFORM
Putting the sensual back in the non-consensual.

Jesus take the wheel? WTF that guy has been dead over 2000 years. Bitch your gonna get people killed. He has no business driving a car.

I AM A PEOPLE PERSON GOD DAMNIT