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gave a cute boy a ride in my car & all these cans of corn i had in the trunk were rolling around. i was like "idk what that is" lol i knew
make sure to do as many tiny braids in whoevers hair is in front of u on public transport. the more u do, the bigger ur mansion is in heaven
hug your mother today, nice and tight. just like her vagina hugged your stupid little bowling ball head
like myself, make sure to sleep with both middle fingers up in case a hater breaks in during the night
relax, you're gonna die
mum is mad that she bought me a treadmill & i never use it. shes wrong; i put a burger on it just this morning and had it zoom into my mouth
*segways into daycare*... "yo dope diapers u guys"... *does 10-point turn & segways out again*
my heart is hurting so im putting on lipstick
sext: i wanna be with u irl
dad referred to his car keys as 'bad boys' and i smacked them outta his hand. 26 and grounded. i regret nothing
ive been thinking that if u put a chameleon on a strobe light it might explode
as your casket is lowered into the cold, fresh earth, i lean down to you, my love, and whisper my final word..."unfollowed"
mum just asked me why i was putting icecream on my oatmeal and w/o hesitation i said "im one of the most dangerous minds of my generation"
hey atheists if god isnt real then how come this is the third time this week ive found a corn chip in my cleavage when ive needed one most
asked my mum what her favourite animal is and she said "koala." i said "i feel u gurl, dope choice" and she left the room
how could a person ever feel romantically for someone who isn't funny
comic sans divorce papers