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Everyone!! Shut up for a moment! ............... *farts*
Happy Birthday to the best songwriter of the last 25 years and one of the all time greats, Conor Oberst. Thank you for your words
Girl, is your pussy a nerd? Because I wanna beat it up.
Guys, if you really think about it, pizza is shaped like the food pyramid.
So, it's all I need.
If a person with only 10 followers retweets me, have I actually been retweeted?
"I'd rather be twerkin' for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery" -Hip hop version of "First Day of My Life"
Horses be cloppin'!!!
Chances are the best person you know is still a piece of shit.
Girl, you should call me Malfoy because I'm about to Slyther in.
"Thank Maude it's Friday" -Harold
I may be wrong about this but I'm pretty sure Hitler liked his bagels on the crispier side.
What's up with babies babbling all the time? It's like learn to speak English you stupid idiot.
Curmudgeon, comedian, hairy guy. I host a podcast called The Caress and The Claw. Check it out. http://caressandtheclaw.libsyn.com/rss