Just spotted @robdelaney eating. What a piece of shit

@robdelaney did you just start 3rd grade?

@marcmaron When are you gonna open the WTFmelt Theatre?

@robdelaney just left Nana's funeral. I'll really miss her. #DryJacker4Life

Everyone!! Shut up for a moment! ............... *farts*

@kaylamaide @zylenofbagend @samonthewest @mydearsophie_ just wanna tell you guys that you rock.
Let's spread the Bright Eyes love forever.

Happy Birthday to the best songwriter of the last 25 years and one of the all time greats, Conor Oberst. Thank you for your words

Girl, is your pussy a nerd? Because I wanna beat it up.

@robdelaney Does he whisper, "Seacrest, in" when he penetrates you?

Guys, if you really think about it, pizza is shaped like the food pyramid.
So, it's all I need.

If a person with only 10 followers retweets me, have I actually been retweeted?

"I'd rather be twerkin' for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery" -Hip hop version of "First Day of My Life"

Horses be cloppin'!!!

Chances are the best person you know is still a piece of shit.

@peta way to use someone's death to further your propaganda. Fuck you.

Girl, you should call me Malfoy because I'm about to Slyther in.

#ff some funny people and some people I want to sniff. @eli_w_n @jodytims @shelouise @favorite_weapon @caseyphill @tattoobunny @markleggett

"Thank Maude it's Friday" -Harold

I may be wrong about this but I'm pretty sure Hitler liked his bagels on the crispier side.

What's up with babies babbling all the time? It's like learn to speak English you stupid idiot.