A thong is like a barbed wire fence, it protects the property without obstructing the view.

If you're crazy and you know it, shake your meds :D

I toe the mark between idiot and deeply intellectual.

Dumbing down your vocabulary for a girl almost makes the sex not worth it.

Lucky for these girls, whiskey exists.

Holy shit I feel so good today

I should open a Chinese place that only hands out negative fortunes.

Are you wearing space underwear? Because your ass is out if this world.

When properly cooked, Pizza Rolls should taste very similar to napalm.

Don't grow up, it's a trap.

I can't wait to see women my age transform into middle aged moms. It's going to be great.

I saw a woman today with the saddest looking breasts I have ever seen, yet she seemed so cheerful.

Sometimes you just have to dump $15 at Dairy Queen for lunch.

I'm still the same kid I've always been, just with more mischief making tools at my disposal, and better funding for such operations.

I'm not sure if you all know this, but the Kinect camera can track you in the dark. I'm pretty sure it's a cybernetic organism.

Lacking intelligence #ThatsATurnOff

@5oulhealer no problem man

I just ate a Twisters burrito without greasing the entire front of my shirt.

I'm seriously a bad ass you guys.

I need to move more often I have way too much shit

I grew up watching Baywatch.

These new whores on MTV don't impress me.

If you don't get an std screening after nailing someone new, you might be fucking up in life.